Tasty Cake


Anomaly #: 072
Code Name: Tasty Cake
Tier: Low
Anomaly Type(s): Chemical
Hazard(s): CHEM-01
Department(s) involved: Chemical Research Dept.
Discovery: New York, New York 1982

Picture of AEP-072 in docile state

Description: AEP-072 is a sentient cheesecake, 30cm across, 10cm in thickness, and weighing 5.8kg. The cake is divided into 12 equal slices which are replaced through anomalous means whenever a piece is removed. Re-formation of each peace takes 24 hours, with the new piece manifesting at exactly 01:00 GMT+0. AEP-072 looks and tastes like a standard home-baked 12x4 inch cheesecake, and weighs approximately 13 pounds. AEP-072 is usually cream-coloured, but will change to a darker grey colour when communicating. The mechanism by which the pigmentation of the cake changes is currently under research.

No structural or chemical reason for AEP-072's sentience can be determined. The cake demonstrates the same level of intelligence regardless of the number of slices removed or eaten. If its tray has been completely emptied, the anomaly will not respond until at least one slice has regenerated fully.

Eating a single slice of AEP-072 induces persistent feelings of euphoria as well as slightly enhanced cognitive abilities. Consumption of multiple slices of cake within a 24-hour period can lead to severe psychological addiction due to the anomaly's euphoric effects. Personnel attempting to consume more than one slice of AEP-072 within a 24-hour period may be treated through physical restraint and the administering of Grade-B amnestics. Consumption of all 12 slices within a 24-hour period by a single person resulted in [DATA EXPUNGED]. Subjects who have consumed 12 slices of AEP-072 are classified AEP-072-01 and subject to termination at the end of testing.

AEP-072 was discovered on 11 April 1982, by members of the New York Police Department. Several police stations had received reports of a local vagrant loudly reciting passages from Shakespeare while "brandishing a cheesecake". The individual in question was known to be severely developmentally disabled, leading to a confused police response. During the individual's detention, the cheescake, stored in the NYPD MET office as a piece of evidence, was discovered to have regenerative properties. Four Association agents, under the guise of federal agents, recovered the object later, and civilians involved were administered amnestics. Currently, AEP-072 is to be stored at Site-17 until a method to negate its harmful side effects is discovered.

Addendum: The anomaly communicates by changing colors to respond to simple questions using Morse code. Upon hearing a complex question which cannot be answered with a yes/no answer, the cake will enter a "confused" state for approximately 30 minutes, during which it is unable to respond to questioning. Subjects have said that the flavor of each slice was 'unusually bitter' during this period and exhibited none of their normal anomalous properties save regeneration. Further testing is still pending approval.

Maintenance Protocols: Considering recent incidents, AEP-072 is to be kept in a secure steel storage box until further notice. Division II Clearance is required for access to AEP-072. All direct experimentation on AEP-072 is to be conducted using O-class personnel with no genetic history of diabetes. No more than one slice is to be removed from AEP-072 at any given moment, except during testing.

Value assessment: This item has no use to the Association save in the treatment of those personnel suffering from depression disorders.

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