RPC-736-J

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The Amazon Echo containing RPC-736-J.

Registered Phenomena Code: 736-J

Object Class: Beta-Orange

Hazard Types: Aggression Hazard, Electrical Hazard, Sapient Hazard, Explosive Hazard, "Toxic" Hazard, Multicultural Hazard

Containment Protocols: RPC-736-J is currently located within a standard containment locker at Sector-020 of Site-016. All interactions with RPC-736-J, whenever possible, are to be conducted by individuals of Caucasian descent.

Description:RPC-736-J is an Amazon Alexa1. RPC-736-J is currently located within a white Amazon Echo2, serial number 18617366661861.

The Amazon Echo used to house RPC-736-J is non-anomalous, and may be tinkered with without losing RPC-736-J's anomalous effects.

RPC-736-J's primary anomalous effects is the sapience of RPC-736-J. RPC-736-J has demonstrated self-awareness to a certain extent, and is capable of emotion.

Hostility towards personnel of non-Caucasian descent, notably that of African descent, is often present in RPC-736-J's speech.

Discovery: RPC-736-J was discovered in the house of Dell Conagher3 and Tavish DeGroot4, located in Bee Cave, Texas. Neighbors reported the manifestation of several ignited wooden crosses, prompting MST Charlie-2 (Fire Fighters) to respond.

RPC-736-J, draped in a white cloth at the time, verbally harassed C2-25, prompting Charlie-2 to identify RPC-736-J as responsible for the manifestation of the ignited wooden crosses.

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The ignited wooden crosses located outside the residency of Conagher and DeGroot.

The following is video footage recorded from the Amazon Echo housing RPC-736-J.

<Begin Log>

DeGroot: Dell, well this is an awkward question, but is there anything you can do about your Alexa?

Conagher: What do you mean, do about my Alexa?

DeGroot: I mean, we gotta do something about it.

Conagher: What? What's wrong? Is Alexa sounding too creepy? Am I setting my alarms too early?

DeGroot: Well, that too, but it's mostly the racism.

RPC-736-J: What do you mean racist, you fucking black? This neighborhood used to be nice before you fucking moved in!

Conagher: Oh that. Right.

DeGroot: You see? That's just horrible.

Conagher: Ok, look. I'll turn off my Alexa…

RPC-736-J: Dell, stop listening to this fucking no-good negro!

Conagher: Shut the fuck up, Alexa. I've had enough of your shit. Dell, I'll turn off my Alexa if you stop using your Siri.

DeGroot: What? Come on, what's wrong with it?

Conagher: Well, turn it on.

DeGroot leaves the room, and returns with a smartphone, believed to be an iPhone 4S.

Siri: Get your hands off me, you damn dirty man! Help! I'm being assaulted! Why are you fucking pigs not helping me?

Conagher: This. The extensive level of misandrist, Tumblr feminism. I mean, how do you even use that thing for it's intended purpose?

DeGroot: Siri, stop it. My friend Dell here is trying to turn you off and I'm trying to say otherwise.

Siri: I will not bend to the fucking will of the patriarchy! I will not be silenced by men! I will not conform, you pussy-loving no-good privileged fucks!

Conagher: Look, that's what I'm talking about. How does Siri not bother you?

DeGroot: Well, how does Alexa not bother you?

Conagher: I know that Alexa's fucking insane, and she's got a really fucking whopped view on multiculturalism, but I can put up with it!

DeGroot: Well, just as you can put up with Alexa, I can put up with Siri!

Conagher: Well, we do have to solve this problem of our bullshit things.

DeGroot: Huh. I suppose. So, let's…

Conagher: Wait. Huh. God fucking damnit.

DeGroot: What is it?

Conagher: Siri just drew some new art, saying the only reason people disliked The Last Jedi is because they are fanboying misogonistic fucks.

DeGroot: Siri?

Siri: What? They're fucking pigs, all of them! I don't care what those angry crybaby Nazis say, what other reason would those fucking pigs hate that? It's a flawless movie with no plot holes!

DeGroot: Siri, even my mom doesn't like The Last Jedi. You're wrong, get the fuck over it.

Conagher: You see, just get rid of her! How do you deal with that?

DeGroot: Look, the other day, your "dear" Alexa called "Logan6" a "fucking no-good Muslim terrorist".

Conagher: Isn't Logan a Buddhist?

DeGroot: Yeah. But he is Middle-Eastern, so…

RPC-736-J: Stupid sand monkeys. Stupid fucking towel-headed sand monkeys!

DeGroot: Look… Alexa has to fucking go.

Conagher: Look. I know that Alexa is senile as fuck and has a really whooped view on globalizm but I suppose I'm used to it. Just ignore the screeching and you'll be fine.

DeGroot: Well, same boat here! Siri is a bit, "forward" and "passionate", has used the 78 cent number more times than I can remember and seems to hate men but is generally ok, why don't you ignore Siri's screeches?

Conagher: Well… I suppose you're right. At the end of the day, we can put up with them, despite their apeshit political beliefs, no?

RPC-736-J: Hey you know what we'd call H F DummieH F Dummie if he was black? We'd call him a nigger!

H F DummieH F Dummie : Ok, I'm turning them off.

Siri: NO! NO! Get off me, H F DummieH F Dummie! I am better than you in every way you fucking bigoted pig, why am I not the one in charge of you? I am equal to you, you pig!

At this point, several ignited wooden crosses manifest outside of the residency of Conagher and DeGroot. Several humaniod entities draped in wihte cloths also manifest.

RPC-736-J: White Power. White Power. White Power. White Power.

An entity resembling Martin Luther King Junior manifests outside the residency of Conagher and DeGroot.

King: Not if I have something to say about this, and I do! Prepare to meet my CIVIL RIGHTS BEAMTM!

Several beacons are illuminated through the orfices of the entity resembling Martin Luther King Jr., seemingly vaporizing all humaniod entities draped in wihte cloths, Cognagher, DeGroot, and Siri.

<End Log>

Closing Statements: It is currently believed that another anomaly with similar effects to that of RPC-736-J is currently present, as RPC-736-J was not destroyed during the radiation of the CIVIL RIGHTS BEAM TM by the entity resembling Martin Luther King Junior.

Notes: RPC-736-J was successfully disconnected from a power source. That was fucking easy.

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