Link to draft http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/worstinvention
Registered Phenomena Code: XXX
Object Class: Alpha-Orange
Hazards: Contact Hazard, Bio-Hazard, and might I suggest Self-Replicating, Grouped and mmmmaybe Sentient?
Containment Protocols: RPC-XXX is to be kept in a 3m x 3m x 3m room This is one of those cases where a specific room size is unnecessary. I would just say "standard Alpha-class containment cell" with drainage pipes at the bottom, and may only be removed for testing reasons by personnel with Level 2 clearance or higherwith authority of clearance-level 2 or higher. Anyone be infected with instances of RPC-XXX-1 are to be quarantined and given immediate intestinal, and if necessary, stomach surgery. Sewage pipes in Site-02 with shower heads attached are to spray RPC-XXX twice a day. Awkward phrasing here, and the way it's written sounds like the Site just happens to have shower head sewage pipes scattered around. Might I suggest "RPC-XXX is maintained by spraying it with aerosolized liquid sewage tapped from Site-02 waste disposal system twice daily."?
Description: RPC-XXX is a colony of microscopic parasitoids (individually designated as instances of RPC-XXX-1) that disguise themselves to appear as an unusually large roll of toilet paper Measurements! How big is this?. Should a “sheet” of RPC-XXX (designated as RPC-XXX-2) come into contact with any human urethra or anus Living or dead? And just human? What about apes or pigs?, instances of RPC-XXX-1 will enter the body swarm inside the user, and begin to breed and form nests inside the subject’s intestines.
Instances of RPC-XXX-1 are highly resistant to acidic environments- maybe specify just how acidic?acidic based damage, allowing them to survive withintravel in the stomach duringupon stage two of infection I would add something like (See Below) here so we know you're going to talk about the stages later, and can live an estimated 14 hours without food Wouldn't the Authority be able to measure this number pretty accurately in a lab?. The average specimen has a lifespan of three days. Specimens have demonstrated the ability to metabolize human fecal matter and has shown to use waste as an alternative source of food.
RPC-XXXThe infection has three stages. The first stage occurs 3-4 days after infiltration of a host body. Instances of RPC-XXX-1 will start feeding off of intestinal tissue and digested products from the host. Symptoms comparable to E. coli always italicize latin names occur in the host. Within 2-4 days of the beginning of stage one, the population of the growing RPC-XXX-1 colony will expand exponentially, and stage two will begin. I feel like you should capitalize Stage One, Stage 2, etc. Make them stand out a bit.
At stage two, the colony expands to the stomach and begins to collect consumed food from the body, and feed off of the mucus lining the stomach Isn't the word for this "mucosa"? I would use that and add a footnote explaining what it is.. At this point, the existing population expands at 7 times the previous rate inside the host. The intestines starts to become much weaker in what sense? I know later on you imply structural weakness later, but I would make that more clear., and symptoms such as heartburn and severe intestinal pain occur at this point. This cycle continues for about a week, until the stage three “shutdown” occurs.
At stage three, the mucus lining in the stomach starts becomes so thin that severe ulceration of the stomach occurs. to become so thin gastric acid starts to burn through the stomach. Meanwhile, The intestines become so weakened that consumed food products can rupture the intestinal wall tear through the intestines, causing internal disembowelment intestinal perforations. Within one day of stage three, the host dies, typically from toxic shock? Internal bleeding? YOU DECIDE! resulting in an explosion in the colony population. These organisms find their way back to RPC-XXX, and form new instances of RPC-XXX-2 with the excess population. How do they exit the body? I think you're missing an opportunity for some good gross body horror here.
It is believed RPC-XXX-1 specimens have a shared consciousness, or a “hive mind”. How the consciousness works should this be true is unknown. However, this would explain their ability to automatically know where RPC-XXX is, and how they are able to form insances of RPC-XXX-2. Eh, I'm not sure I like the immediate jump to 'hive mind' here. I would just say that instances have an anomalous ability to locate the core mass of bacteria and leave it at that.
Incident XXX-A: during an experiment involving RPC-XXX, a host died in an airtight room, leaving all RPC-XXX-1 instances in the room completely cut off from RPC-XXX. Over the course of 5 days, the corpse of the human host rapidly decomposed, and on the 6th day, all RPC-XXX-1 instances in the room had died. Microscopic analysis of the specimens revealed each RPC-XXX-1 instance had approximately 88,000 genes each. How this many genes can fit in a microscopic parasitoid is unknown. Research is pending. You're going to have to explain the significance of this better.
Addendum: It was initially hypothesized, several weeks after containment## that a new colony would form should the RPC-XXX-1 population grow Red|large. However, testing and prolonged containment of RPC-XXX has shown that it is capable of more than tripling its but this is now believed to be false, as testing has shown RPC-XXX can grow over triple it's original size without forming a new instance of RPC-XXX.
Okay, so overall I think this is a really solid bit of gross-out horror, you just need to tighten the clinical tone waaay up and dig a little more into the details here. You're not telling a story or showing off a twist here or anything, but I think the inherent revulsion the core idea provokes is strong and evocative enough that you don't need to add much. Keep working on it.
New draft here http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/draft3
CLOSING STATEMENT
The concept, in my view, sounds fascinating but has some minor issues. It has problems that you should have a look again to ensure it's fixed prior to publication.
Overall, I'd give you points for attempt, but it's just the execution that has been properly put into the article.
- Dr. Pierson.
standard alpha-class containment cell with drainage pipes. and may only be removed […]
- Replace the full stop with a comma.
[…] from the site-02 waste disposal system no less than twice a day.
- Suggestion:
[…] Site-002's waste disposal system no less than twice per day.
If the user is dead, the instances will rapidly consume the corpse or carcass, and breed heavily.
- Suggestion:
If the user has expired, RPC-XXX-1 instances will rapidly consume the corpse or carcass, and breed at an accelerating rate.
The process's length depends on the size of the corpse.
- Suggestion:
The process of the inbreed depends on the size of the corpse.
- For the stages as you've listed and described, I do think you should place them in a timetable to make it look better. As seen below:
Stage Process | Note(s) |
Stage 1 | The first stage occurs 3-4 days after infiltration of a host body. Instances of RPC-XXX-1 will start feeding off of intestinal tissue and digested products from the host. Symptoms comparing to E coli occur in the host. Within 2-4 days of the start of Stage 1, the population of the growing RPC-XXX-1 colony will expand exponentially, and stage two will begin. |
Stage 2 | At Stage 2, the colony expands to the stomach and begins to collect consumed food from the body, and feed off of the mucosa1. At this point, the existing population expands at 7 times the previous rate inside the host. The walls of the intestines start to thin, and symptoms such as heartburn and severe intestinal pain occur at this point. This cycle continues for about a week, until the stage three “shutdown” occurs. |
Stage 3 | At Stage 3, the mucus lining in the stomach starts to become so thin extreme ulceration occurs. The intestines become so weakened that digested products can rupture the intestinal wall, creating massive intestinal preforations. Within one day of stage three, the host dies from a combination of toxic shock and internal bleeding, resulting in an explosion in the colony population. The population will feed on the now dead host until the corpse or carcass until the skeletal structure is all that remains, and then make their way back to RPC-XXX. New instances of RPC-XXX-2 are formed with excess population. |
It was originally hypothesized several weeks after containment that a new colony would form should the RPC-XXX-1 population large enough.
- Suggestion:
It was originally hypothesized several weeks after containment that a new colony would form should the RPC-XXX-1 population grow large enough.
It is believed RPC-XXX-1 specimens have a shared consciousness, or a “hive mind”. How the consciousness works should this be true is unknown. However, this would explain their ability to automatically know where RPC-XXX is, and how they are able to form instances of RPC-XXX-2.
- Is there any addenda to factually support this theory? It would be helpful if there is a paper explaining this scientific theory for it being it there in the first place.
The authority was alerted after the skeleton of ████ ███████ was found in his home,
- When referring to the RPC Authority, aka the organization, you should always give Authority a capital A if you're referring to the organization.
during an experiment involving RPC-XXX, a host died in an airtight room, leaving all RPC-XXX-1 instances in the room completely cut off from RPC-XXX.
- Capital for During.
"Curiosity Always Defines Reasoning"