Its a good article i don’t really see any grammar issues but you should make it more clear who’s talking some of the time it’s not completely unreadable or anything but it’s a bit confusing at times I can’t say much on the story or anything tho because I’m unfamiliar with the lore
Anders, the man responsible for the detonation at Site-014, had been "exiled" from the AEP Association for good publicity with the Authority.
Wouldn't the Authority essentially want, if not demand, AEP to apprehend and transport Anders into their custody so they would be able to prosecute him under their jurisdiction? I don't think the Authority would be particularly too happy with AEP releasing what is to them a 'Public Enemy #1' and not in return send an MST to either kill or capture him.
Jim and Andes entered the stolen VTOL once more, preparing to fly to the closest Church of Malthus hideout.
Misspelled 'Anders.'
As they approached, Jim turned on the VTOL's comms, flipping to a seemingly static channel.
A bit wordy, let's condense this to: "As they approached, Jim turned the VTOL's comms to a static channel."
Anders then quickly found out that the leader and his acquaintance were the same person. As the individual approached, Anders knew who it was instantly. After all, standing at 203 centimeters and having a freakishly mutated left arm was a dead giveaway.
A bit wonky with the flow, let's amend that: "Anders quickly realized after witnessing a tall figure with a hulking, horribly mutated arm approach him."
Two individuals then walked out. The first was what appeared to be a man wearing a heavily modified HAZMAT suit. "Hello, Anders. Veiko told me about you, and I think we're gonna be good friends. The name's Enzo. Or, if you're Jim, Mr. Roboto." Enzo proceeded to shake hands with Anders. "Mr. Roboto? why does he call you that?" Anders asked. "I guess I'll explain that myself. Enzo is from the robotics sect of Malthus. They were testing if converting their consciousness into an AI would work, and Enzo was the only one out of 10 volunteers who went through the process successfully. That's why we don't really like the robotics guys. Their ideas kill the most. Anyways, that suit contains what essentially is his body." Jim cut in. "So yeah, He calls me Mr. Roboto because I am a robot. Damn proud of it, too. What's not to love about practical immortality?" Enzo joked. Anders then turned his attention to the other new member. It was a large beast, standing at about 3 meters tall. "And that is Vadim. He can't speak, but he can understand us. Say hi, Sergei." Veiko commanded. The creature then raised one of its hand, waving. Anders waved back, smiling.
Waaaaay too blocky of a paragraph, I recommend you split these into two or three individual ones.
Anders proceeded to exit the meeting room, looking around the compound. Although he was disappointed that he wouldn't be able to fight under the banner of the AEP association, fighting alongside his old friends would be a good compromise. Anders began to think about the battle. "You think the Authority's going to send their immortal french bitch?" He asked. "Well, according to my calculations, that would be 100 percent yes. It doesn't take a robotic brain to get to that conclusion, however. Hell, even Sergei could probably see that. Are you forgetting how cowardly the authority is?" Enzo exclaimed. Anders burst out in laughter. He had only known Enzo for around 15 minutes, but he could already tell the two were going to be close friends. Anders knew one thing for certain. If he was going to fight for Malthus, he was going to do a damn good job.
Same here, either compress or split this paragraph.
So, the main issue here is your spacing of interpersonal dialogue. You make it so that the dialogue proceeds in one paragraph, and that can be difficult for the reader to keep up and maintain who is who. My recommendation here is that you space them individually; orient in separate lines, with only minor interjections between persons occurring in the same line. That way, the reader will have less trouble combing through the tale and could interpret who is specifically producing which line.
Now, content-wise, it's a bit dull. It just looks like a little bit of characterization between Anders and various members of the Church of Malthus, and that's essentially it. I would like to see more of an explanation detailing how Anders managed to avoid Authority capture, perhaps an introductory paragraph or the dialogue itself. Until then, this piece is not ready. Take the time to apply the changes I've recommended and see whether it is possible or not to provide more detail relating to events leading to Ander's arrival to CoM.
Didnt really see any grammar mistakes, just a short good article, very good!
Tab 2:
1) You forgot to press enter between "Interrogator: Preferably your recollection of yesterday's breach." and "Ekdahl: Alright."
2) Also, I suggest to italics-ify the speech quotes inside Ekdahl's story, helps differentiate them better within that huge paragraph.
3) yeah, a bunch more enter presses is required.
4) "The, I noticed something odd." you meant "Then"?
5) "…something odd. an unidentified truck. it stopped by…" forgot the capital letters
5.5) Suggest to change fullstop between "truck" and "it" to a colon (:)
6) ""What's wrong, Anton?" Virtanen asked." you could reword this to "Virtanen asked what's wrong." just to cut down on usage of quoted dialogue.
7) "we couldn't find a possible suspect anywhere." forgot caps W here
8) "… more and He's started taking a lot …" accidental caps here
9) Would you like to add a follow-up on investigating Researcher Lai?
Tab 4:
1) As they approached, Jim turned on the VTOL's comms, flipping to a seemingly static channel before speaking. "This is Echo-17 to Hideout Epsilon, we're en route in an Authority VTOL. Be advised, do not shoot." Jim stated.
2) "we have the quite mission for your squad to command." you mean "we have quite the mission"?
Also, when you're writing back-and-forth dialogue between characters, it should be split up into seperated sentences like mini-paragraphs. So… taking this paragraph:
He had donned a business suit, although the left sleeve was ripped off to accommodate his arm. "I lied. I do have something more formal. Anyways, we have the quite mission for your squad to command." Veiko stated. "We? Who's we?" Anders asked. "That would be me." Jim chimed in, entering the meeting room. "When you told me about the failsafe, I had informed Mr. Olesk here. We drew up a plan for an operation at the ruins of the site post-decommissioning. Insiders have told us that the Authority is searching for anomalies in the area. Well, some anomalies may help our cause. Your detachment is leading the charge, but you won't be alone." Jim explained.
It would look more like:
He had donned a business suit, although the left sleeve was ripped off to accommodate his arm. "I lied. I do have something more formal. Anyways, we have the quite mission for your squad to command." Veiko stated. (removed "Veiko stated" since it's not neccessary now)
"We? Who's we?" Anders asked.
"That would be me." Jim chimed in, entering the meeting room.
"When you told me about the failsafe, I had informed Mr. Olesk here. We drew up a plan for an operation at the ruins of the site post-decommissioning. Insiders have told us that the Authority is searching for anomalies in the area. Well, some anomalies may help our cause. Your detachment is leading the charge, but you won't be alone." Jim explained.
It may make the page longer, but it makes it alot easier for the reader to keep track of who's speaking at the moment without getting lost in an otherwise massive paragraph.
Try and cut down on the "X stated" or "Y replied" dialogue at the end of each talking line.
Nice job, just a couple touch ups needed
AEP Association for good publicity with the Authority.
Would change this to "save face"
the organization that lead Anders
*had
Jim and Andes entered the stolen VTOL once more
That's a really easy way to get caught, they should get their some other way
Anders and Jim were escorted inside the compound by two guards, which Anders swore looked identical.
change "which" to "who". Because of your previous statement about the facilities being similar I assumed that this was further talking about the inside of the buildings
only to not get a response.
But then he immediately gets a response
standing at 203 centimeters
Change to meters and centimeters
5 minutes later Veiko had returned
*five
had
the authority
capitalize
uploading now.