A research project originally made my Enigma in the early days and recently reworked by myself and Hyze. Any and all feedback greatly appreciated. Please point out areas that are hard for laymen to get the gist of what happens.
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/department-of-viderics
Pretty good, sums it up rather nicely. The only thing I'd change in terms of content is maybe adding a little more elaboration on the "anomalous inconsistencies," and maybe mention them a bit earlier in the article.
Formatting wise, I'd recommend putting some of the finer details in collapsibles, so that people who just want to know the gist of what viderics are aren't turned off by a bunch of text.
With the things that science has explained; the common man can create both wonderful and terrible things.
Suggestion: replace ";" with "," as the first fragment doesn't stand on its own as a sentence without the semi-colon pause.
Sentient life has developed a specific neurotransmitter, Anopticin in order to filter out the smaller inconsistencies in our perception.
remove "," replace with "called" or "named" as Anopticin sounds weird in the proceeding fragment.
(Commonly referred to as Pseudo Anomalies)
minor nitpick but I don't think "Commonly" and "Psuedo Anomalies" need to be capitalized.
concentrations, research into
Suggestion: replace "," with ";" as the two sentences before and after "research" can exist on their own.
The anomalies discovered through the use of Viderics have been dubbed "Pseudo Anomalies".
Wait so I'm confused. It sounds like your defining Psuedo Anomalies for the first time with the quotations yet you reference this as: "Certain anomalous inconsistencies (Commonly referred to as Pseudo Anomalies)…"
I would nix the "Commonly referred to…" bit as you seem to give a clearer definition as to what Pseudo Anomalies actually are in relation to Viderics in the sentence I referenced.
All Viderics show an increased effectiveness on children, use with caution.
The latter fragment ", use with caution" implies a second-person warning label. Like "WARNING: YOU ARE NOT APPROVED FOR…" or "You must use these with caution."
As to not break point of view, my suggestion is to alter this sentence slightly to:
"All Viderics show increased effectiveness on children and are to be utilized with caution."
You can nix the "an" prior to "increased."
Final thoughts:
Absolutely fucking loved this. Short-simple-sweet proposal with sample medications that sound like exactly what you would hear from say a medical assay or research paper.
+10 stars.