Ok man I finally finished the story let me start here you have some grammatical issues I’ll just tell you the sentences I noticed that were messed up “their speed bodies astonished me”, “beasts that know now as RPC-794-4?”, and “I do not know approximately how long” (idk if that last one is actually wrong but it just didn’t sound right) ok now to my next point the main character talks weird like he doesn’t think like a normal person he thinks in a critical tone like the type you weird find in a number article not a tale idk if this is intentional because he was born into the authority but it’s still weird and even if he talks like this because he was born into the authority I still think it’s jarring that sentences that should be simple are elongated because of this. For example: “Using the railing as a makeshift ladder, I climbed the short distance to what was the 6th floor. Salvation was in sight.” Could’ve easily been “I climbed the railing and was almost to the 6th floor, salvation.” Or something like that. And “I delivered a swift kick to the creature's leg.” Could’ve just been “I kicked his leg” I know these are far from perfect but you get the idea it just feels like the story went much longer then it needed just because of this I know he’s been with the authority his whole life but I don’t think even a scientist would speak/think like this especially not a janitor. Idk if your just used to writing number articles or if it’s on purpose but it’s to much clinical tone. But because this is consistent during the whole story(and because i think it was intentional)I don’t expect you to fix it I’m just saying this as a heads up for writing tales in the future now to my next point why the he’ll would they promote a janitor to senior researcher with no training? If he got education at one point on science shit or in his youth I think you should clarify and tell the reader that because him being promoted with just the context that he was a victim of the anomaly is silly. Ok last and least I don’t know what you meant with the shit after the comma I might just be dumbass but I didn’t understand it “I am the Senior Researcher of RPC-794, and no matter how many falls humanity has.” Especially because it just feels like the sentence is cut off. Ok I’m done I liked the article and the concept but these things just push it back for me, some of this is my opinion tho so don’t think about it to much I gave it 3 stars
The Mass Shifts / Discussion
This is the discussion related to the wiki page The Mass Shifts.