I'm… not entirely sure I get it. Is this a shitpost? Or a tale about an article involving talking cats? Who are these people dimension-hopping? Why does the tale seem to assume I know who Ikky is?
EXPLAIN
They look like cats, it's supposed to be serious, and you will know, this tale is for after
You will understand it all
Alright, so a few quick things. My rating is a 1.5/5, first off. Lemme explain. I get what the Author is trying to do, but I think it doesn't work for a multitude of different reasons. One of them being that, again, I don't really feel for the characters. I don't feel anything, really. I'm just a passerby, someone looking down upon their plight through the looking glass for just a small peak. I don't know who these characters are, why I should care for them. And above all else, that's the main conflict: There is no reason to care for them.
I can't self-project onto their plight, or sympathize with the characters. I just met them, and it's sad to see a family member go, but I can't feel for someone I never met or know anything about. I need context, preferably implemented in a smart way. Something to give reason to why I should feel.
Second is the format: It's weird. Like, really weird. I don't understand why all test are in these boxes. And honestly, it just comes off as distracting in my opinion. It's nothing big, nor is it the main issue, it's just… weird.
Third, is that one of the main things the author is gonna need to fix is the spelling and grammar. Missing punctuation at the end of sentences is a constant throughout the piece. (I.E.
'Don't worry, we are going to make it, the portal is in the top of that cliff, we are so close' and 'I don't think theres much time left, its a matter of distance and we are so') Other times I see capitalization of a word mid-sentence: "Blood in my hands, It was not mine, but it was my blood." Run-on sentences are an issue. (I.E. " He opened his eyes slowly and looked at me, I touched his shoulders worried, his head started to weight down, I hold it up with my right hand.")
And (fourth) the prose just come off as clunky sometimes. For instance, "Walking in the forest, flowers in my feet, trees twice, three times my size, a boy in my hands, my boy in my hands." Alright, I get that you're walking through a wooded area with heavy amounts of flora, okay… But, then he describes the size of the trees and the sentence just falls apart. I get he's correcting himself, yeah, but in a sentence with heavy comma use it just feels wrong and doesn't convey the information in a way that works. It's these little things that get you, and that get at the piece.
Fifth, I'd like to bring up what Von said. And while yes the tale assumes a lot of things, I'd like to more focus on the thematic clash in the article. I get what the Author is going for here. I really do (sadness and a bit of gallows humor). Yet, none shine here. Again, I'm not sad because I don't relate. While I found the image funny, I didn't find it on recollection "haha" funny because the story nor the image is really impactful. And I don't really think many readers will be able to understand what the piece is. Is it a shitpost? A sad tale about a broken family? A tale about talking cats? I know because I spoke with the Author, but i don't think others will know or if they can differentiate for themselves.