I know it's been a while, I've been struggling with real-life things. But here's a new RPC, a short one based on an old educational video I watched!
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/filmcriticfrog
Tab is "DR. HOWARD'S HEALTHY HABITS".
I know it's been a while, I've been struggling with real-life things. But here's a new RPC, a short one based on an old educational video I watched!
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/filmcriticfrog
Tab is "DR. HOWARD'S HEALTHY HABITS".
Containment Protocols: Containment Protocols: The original copy of RPC-XXX is to be kept in a standard containment locker at Site-002 and is only to betaken out of it's containment only for testing periods.
I know this may seem redundant, but this arrangement makes it read more strict.
The creation and distribution of copies of RPC-XXX are sanctioned. As the original copy of RPC-XXX is in Authority custody, containment efforts are to focus on the identification and elimination of anomalous copies of RPC-XXX in both online and physical form.
Testing on CSD personnel to determine whether a version of the affected video is a copy of RPC-XXX is permitted.
I recommend making it only permitted by authority figures rather than just anyone being able to see for themselves willy nilly.
During testing, only CSD personnel are to view the video and must honestly describe the contents of the video. Should the video be confirmed as a copy of RPC-XXX the CSD's may be cured only if the methods are not costly or dangerous. Audio transcripts of RPC-XXX are permitted during testing, but video recordings are strictly prohibited.
Honesty is implied
Description: RPC-XXX is the designation for an anomalous copy of an animated video produced by the Kansas Department of Health and Environment, entitled "Keep Our School Healthy", designed as an educational program for children ages 7-9. A typical, non-anomalous copy of this video features an animated character in a doctor's coat (dubbed Designated as RPC-XXX-1) who refers to himself as "Dr. Howard Rodenberg", explaining the causes and symptoms of influenza, as well as how to prevent contracting the disease.
Designated as / Classified as sounds much more professional than dubbed
However, certain digital and physical copies of this video have been noted to possess anomalous qualities that pose a threat to the health of those who view the affected versions of the tape.
The anomalous properties of RPC-XXX activate at approximately 13 seconds into the video, during a period in which RPC-XXX-1 would typically describe the symptoms of the influenza virus.
Describe these symptoms in detail. Do they have a cough? Fever at a high body tempurature? Etc.
The name and description of the flu influenza strain that RPC-XXX-1 addresses in the video will always be replaced with a different disease.The diseases that replace influenza on the video vary in severity, but will usually increase the more times an instance of RPC-XXX is viewed.
The last part needs clarification. Is the severity based on how many people in total watch it combined? or is it only for one person?
During the video, RPC-XXX-1's speech will vary from the original script of the program, and will go into detail regarding the ways the new disease is contracted, its symptoms, and several ways that the disease may be cured. These changes will continue throughout the entire video, and will not only affect the diagrams shown regarding the disease in RPC-XXX but the speech of the characters and demonstrations of treatment methods as well. Constant use of an instance of RPC-XXX will result in RPC-XXX-1 describing nonexistent or undiscovered diseases that seem to only afflict individuals who view RPC-XXX. Often times, the symptoms and causes of these will appear as a mixture of several other diseases, and will never have the same combination as any other disease (real or nonexistent) discussed by RPC-XXX-1. Some of the diseases that have replaced influenza in the video include pneumonia, rabies, tetanus, yellow fever, kidney failure, ███████, and 27 conditions currently not identified in any known medical report.
Once a viewing of RPC-XXX is concluded, any individual who has viewed the video will begin to display some symptoms of the disease that was discussed during that viewing of RPC-XXX, effectively contacting an anomalous strain of whatever condition RPC-XXX focused on during the presentation. Over a short period of time, the affected individuals will suffer from any and all symptoms described in the video. Although transmission methods are discussed during viewings of RPC-XXX, conditions caused by the anomaly do not seem to be capable of transmitting to other individuals.
The only way to cure a disease caused by RPC-XXX is to follow the instructions given in the video as directed by RPC-XXX-1 for a set period of time (usually one week if the treatment is repeated daily), or to wait until the disease passes naturally (which can last from days to years, depending on how RPC-XXX-1 describes it). Although a disease that is contracted may have a commonly known cure, only the treatment methods described in the video work when an individual contracts a disease through viewing RPC-XXX. The intensity of the treatment tends to vary depending on the number of those viewing RPC-XXX at the time, with larger amounts of viewers leading to less demanding and radical treatment methods.
The following is a transcript of an instance of RPC-XXX, which was viewed on October 17, 20██ during routine testing by a sample audience of 5 CSD Personnel. During this instance, RPC-XXX-1 was observed to describe a currently unidentified disease, which all members of the testing audience were observed to contract following the viewing of RPC-XXX.
This has good potential for an article, but right now has slight problems with writing and grammar. May I recommend getting Grammarly to help write these drafts in the future.
This concept is great i love that you based it upon something quite real and what you did with the concept. The only problems i see is labelling Site-002 as Site-02 and a few sentences which could use rewording and the application of clinical tone.
Here is the rewording and the application of clinical tone to everything but the Interview as the Interview is fine:
Containment Protocols: The original copy of RPC-XXX is to be kept in a standard containment locker at Site-002 and taken out of it's containment only for testing periods. Creation and distribution of copies of RPC-XXX is sanctioned. As the original copy of RPC-XXX is in Authority custody containment efforts are to focus on the identification and elimination of anomalous copies of RPC-XXX both in online and physical form.
Testing on CSD personnel to determine whether a version of the affected video is a copy of RPC-XXX is permitted. During testing only CSD personnel are to view the video and honestly describe the contents of the video. Should the video be confirmed as a copy of RPC-XXX the CSD's may be cured only if the methods are not costly or dangerous. Audio transcripts of RPC-XXX are permitted dring testing, but video recordings are strictly prohibited.
This is my rewording as you only really had problems in the Containment protocols.
Containment Protocols: Containment Protocols: The original copy of RPC-XXX is to be kept in a standard containment locker at Site-002 and is only to be removed during testing periods. Creation and distribution of copies of RPC-XXX is sanctioned "forbidden" is a better term to use here. As the original copy of RPC-XXX is in Authority custody Add comma containment efforts are to focus on the identification and elimination of anomalous We already know RPC-XXX is anomalous, so the addition of this word is unnecessary. copies of RPC-XXX both in online and physical form.
Testing on CSD personnel to determine whether a version of the affected video is a copy of RPC-XXX is permitted. During testing only CSD personnel are to view the video and describe the contents of the video The first two sentences of this paragraph are basically saying the same thing. Should the video be confirmed as a copy of RPC-XXX Add comma the CSD's CSD(s) may be cured only if the methods are not costly or dangerous. Audio transcripts of RPC-XXX are permitted during testing, but video recordings are strictly prohibited.
The anomalous properties of RPC-XXX activate at approximately 13 seconds into the video, during a period in which RPC-XXX-1 would typically describe symptoms of the influenza virus (most notably sneezing, coughing, and fevers at high body temperatures). The name and description of the influenza strain that RPC-XXX-1 addresses in the video will always be replaced with a different disease. The diseases that replace influenza on in the video vary in severity, but will usually increase the more times an instance of RPC-XXX is viewed. During the video, RPC-XXX-1's speech will vary from the original script of the program, and will go into detail regarding the ways the new disease is contracted, its symptoms, and several ways that the disease may be cured. These changes will continue throughout the entire video, and will not only affect the diagrams shown regarding the disease in RPC-XXX, but the speech of the characters and demonstrations of treatment methods as well. Constant use of an instance of RPC-XXX will result in RPC-XXX-1 describing nonexistent or undiscovered diseases that seem to only afflict individuals who view RPC-XXX. Often times, the symptoms and causes of these will appear as a mixture of several other diseases, and will never have the same combination as any other disease (real or nonexistent) discussed by RPC-XXX-1. Some of the diseases that have replaced influenza in the video include pneumonia, rabies, tetanus, yellow fever, kidney failure, ███████, and 27 conditions currently not identified in any known medical report. This paragraph is way too big, and should be broken up into 2 or 3 paragraphs.
Once a viewing of RPC-XXX is concluded, any individual who has viewed the video will begin to display some symptoms of the disease that was discussed during that viewing of RPC-XXX, effectively contacting contracting an anomalous strain of whatever condition RPC-XXX focused on during the presentation. Over a short period of time, the affected individuals individual(s) will suffer from any and all symptoms described in the video. Although transmission methods are discussed during viewings of RPC-XXX, conditions caused by the anomaly do not seem to be capable of transmitting to other individuals.
RPC-XXX:1 RPC-XXX-1: HVX is short for Hyprovixia, and is an illness that can be spread from person to person. You see, HVX is caused by a virus- a tiny little bug that you can only see under a microscope. Hyprovixia bugs fly out of your ears and spread to the people around you! If you get Hyprovixia, you might get fever, chills, body aches, headaches, paralysis, a purplish tint on the skin, boils, and sometimes, total liver failure. It makes you feel really bad!
The camera pans towards the blackboard, and the image of a middle-aged woman (RPC-XXX-2) Why is this woman classified as RPC-XXX-2? It's just a side-character in the video, and you could just refer to it as "the woman" or something like that. The extra designation is just unnecessary. appears on its surface. To date, no attempts to identify this individual have been successful.
-HYPROVIXIA IS CAUSED BY VIRUSES
-HYPROVIXIA BUGS FLY OUT OF THE EARS
-ALWAYS CONSUME FERMENTED SQUID EGGS WTH CHOCOLATE SYRUP AND CREOLE SEASONING, AND AT LEAST ONE HUMAN TONGUE PER DAY
-WASH YOUR HANDS!
- STAY HOME IF YOU ARE SICK! There's a space after the hyphen here, which is inconsistent with the other points. Although I do like the space better.
All in all, I really liked this. The image is a really great beginning for the article, and the writing was very good in most places. The video log also grossed me out with the parts about bugs flying in ears and having to eat tongues. This was just a really nice article with the right amount of weirdness.
The only thing I didn't really like was how anti-climactic the ending was. You should add a creepy or weird final revelation/twist, instead of just ending with Howard not having any relation to RPC-XXX.
I'd give this 4 or 5 stars if you fixed up the problems I saw.
I also noticed that the previous iteration of the Containment Protocols in your draft, before Xander Ether gave criticism, was actually much better and had very good clinical tone and grammar. I suggest changing it back to that one.
blabbo