RPC Authority

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/charlie1

Can I get a Crit on my article for event.

Thank you for your nomination. All I can say is “Check spelling”. I don't have a time to read.

Each pilum is designated AEP-100-A, AEP-100-B, AEP-100-C, and AEP-100-D.

I'd change this a little to avoid repition in the following sentence, maybe to something like "The pilums are designated AEP-100-A, AEP-100-B, AEP-100-C, and AEP-100-D respectively."

When a male subject of adult age wields the item, the item will form a form of bond with the person.

This is just a little wordy. Probably meant "When an adult male subject wields AEP-100-A, it will form a (type of) bond with the subject." For where I put (type of), I'd substitute something like "metaphysical" or "paranatural" or even just "kind of".

In a combat situation, AEP-100-A-A will pumble anything the holder of AEP-100-A commands it to.

"Pumble" is not a very clinical word. Maybe "attack" or "assail".

AEP-100-B is of similar size of AEP-100-A

"of similar size *to"

The blade of the weapon measures 8 mm in length. The handle of the weapon is composed of european beech wood. The blade of the weapon is composed of iron.

These three sentences can be combined to two, to make things less repetitive. I'd go with either:

"The blade of the weapon, composed entirely of iron, measures 8 mm in length. The handle is composed of european beech wood."

or

"The blade of the weapon measures 8 mm in length. It is comprised of pure iron, and the handle is european beech wood."

Regardless of how you reword it, I think some adjectives describing "iron" would be good, as just "iron" is fairly non-descript. Is it wrought iron? Elemental iron? Maybe you meant steel? Just food for thought.

When a male subject of adult age wields AEP-100-B, the item will form a form of bond with the person.

Again, this wording is strange. Try "When an adult male subject wields AEP-100-B, it will form a (type of) bond with the subject." Replace "(type of)" with some description of the bond.

The water composing AEP-100-B-A seems to flow around the surface of AEP-100-B-A.

"…around the surface of AEP-100-B-A." is needlessly repetitive. Go for "around its surface."

The upper half of the entity appears feminine in appearance, while the lower half give the appearance of a long serpent.

"…appears feminine in appearance," is redundant and unspecific. Does the upper half resemble a female human? Or maybe it just has a generally feminine look to it? Assuming you meant the former, consider replacing that phrase with "…resembles an adult human female,"

I'd also replace "give" with "holds" or "takes"

When AEP-100-B-A manifest, it will always manifest with its serpentine body wrapped around the waist of the subject holding AEP-100-B.

"When AEP-100-B-A manifest…" Misspelled "manifests", but in general the sentence has some duplicate words. Try rewriting it closer to "When AEP-100-B-A manifests, it will always do so with its serpentine…"

When a male subject of adult age wields AEP-100-C, the item will form a form of bond with the person.

Same issue as before. Easy fix.

The description of AEP-100-C-A is not only flawless, but absolutely bad ass. Kudos!

The blade of the weapon is 11 mm in length.

Maybe replace with "The blade of the weapon measures 11 mm" just to shake things up.

The handle of AEP-100-D is composed of 100% pure diamond.

"100%" implies "pure", so the two together are redundant. Unless you meant "flawless", remove either "pure" or "100%".

When a male subject of adult age who was born on a leap year wields AEP-100-D the item will form a form of bond with the person.

Old habits die hard. Fix the wording here, same as the others.

When AEP-100-D-A manifest,

• Singular nouns go with singular verbs. In english, singular verbs are usually conjugated with an "s" at the end.
• "He sleeps" or "She runs"
• When dealing with plural nouns, we use plural verbs, which are typically conjugated without an "s" at the end.
• "They sleep" or "They run"
• As a rule of thumb, say the noun-verb group aloud. Assuming you're a native English speaker, if it sounds wrong, it probably is.

Change "manifest" to "manifests"

Regarding the Tests:

Where is the Authority getting all these polar bears, and who approved testing on these endangered animals? The Authority is lawful, and would probably not be performing lethal tests on animals on conservation status. Maybe replace the polar bears with something more common, albeit less thematically appropriate.

Overall, this is one of the more interesting entries into the Below Zero event so far, in my opinion. Well written aside from some minutia. My biggest recommendation is to proofread more thoroughly, that way you can get more feedback on the concept and less feedback about grammar.

Fine work my dude. Fine work.