A Blue Hurricane in the perpetual night
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A Blue Hurricane in the perpetual night
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» A Blue Hurricane in the perpetual night
Summary:
A below zero RPC that stars a storm that only happens during the winter months in Antartica, which means that it happens during its perpetual 4 month night.
Hello, SM Todd here, or AMFC from discord
this anomaly seems well structured and very detailed, just a minor thing about the containment rating, if the anomaly cant be containmed, why is gamma and not omega?
plus if it is in a big zone like the artic?
thats just the only problem i have, everything else is good
there
bye!
Right!
Grammar And Tone
As usual, not explaining everything.
Various research stations and sites on Antarctica have been constructed with equipment meant to gather detailed information during RPC-707 events.
I feel like I would have used "designed to", or "equipment designed with the intent of gathering". This is currently acceptable, but it could be better.
RPC-707 is the designation of an anomalous hurricane-like weather phenomenon that can only occur during the winter months on the Antarctic continent.
Again, the issue of clinical tone kind of damages the article.
Initially, RPC-707 will take the form of a massive non-anomalous storm with near hurricane-force winds.
Might be best to quantify this. I think it's easier to know about 707 if I knew how fast exactly it was blowing in numbers.
For the duration of RPC-707, RPC-707-2 will fly around storm
I presume "the storm" would work better.
RPC-707-2 is able to fly is if it is unaffected by the winds of RPC-707.
The flight behavior of RPC-707-2 is unaffected by the extreme weather caused by RPC-707.
All in all, not bad but more work could be done on it. Review it one more time and the grammar should be good enough.
Structure and Lore
I feel like knowing the size of 707-1 is quite important. I'm having a bit of a hard time visualizing it at the moment.
I also don't know what a "Beechcraft Model 17 Staggerwing" is or looks like. Maybe add a pic of it?
I would also add a collapsible at the interview log, for the sake of cleanness.
Content
This reminds me of SCP-1861 in a good way. It's a vehicle that rescues people from danger but not really. However, it's links to the Below Zero event seems a bit limited.
I mean, the parts about 707-3 abducting people from it's self induced storm is creepy, and the interview with that particular 707-3 instance also answers questions while giving more of them. However, it's tie-in with Below Zero seems to not be foreshadowed enough in previous cases.
I suggest adding more "foreshadowing" about Below Zero, somehow. Maybe mention 917 beforehand. If possible, also amp up the "creepiness" of 707-3.
Narrative
Not much here. The narrative here seems more "what you know" based than "story" based, so I'll crit it on that nature.
The information that we know is nice and well controlled. However, some information is also not adequately foreshadowed. Nothing I haven't mentioned before.
Suggested Reading
Done!
RPC-707 can easily be distinguished from a non-anomalous storm by its intense magnetic field
"RPC-707 occurrences can be identified by…"
This polarization also causes an extreme amount of intra-cloud lightning within RPC-707, causing the storm to emit a distinctive blue glow.
"This polarization results in an unusual amount of intra-cloud lightning strikes within RPC-707. As such, RPC-707 displays a distinctive blue glow."
Whenever an RPC-707 event occurs a four-wheeled mechanical entity, designated as RPC-707-1, will manifest at a random point within RPC-707.
Do you mean, below?
Note: The Antarctic Snow Cruiser was found where it was abandoned in 1941, during both the 1946 and 1958 expeditions.
Add: "It has since not been observed to move."
RPC-707-1 possess the necessary power required to traverse the Antarctic terrain without issue.
"RPC-707-1 is able to"
RPC-707-1 has been described as being painted a distinctive black and having notable icicle formations on various points of its hull. RPC-707-1 has also been stated to have a glowing undercarriage which emits a light with a colour extremely similar to the light emitted by RPC-707 itself.
Add before: "RPC-707-1 has never been directly recorded, or observed from closer than 1km"
"RPC-707-1's undercarriage has been reported to emit a dim blue glow, not dissimilar from RPC-707's own."
After approximately 2 hours pass following RPC-707's manifestation, a mechanical entity designated as RPC-707-2 will be launched from RPC-707-1. RPC-707-2 bears great resemblance to a Beechcraft Model 17 Staggerwing and has been documented as being piloted by an unknown humanoid entity.
"Approximately 2 hours after RPC-707-1 manifests, it will launch a second mechanical entity, designated RPC-707-2. The launch itself has never been observed, with the mechanism used remaining unknown."
"has been reported to be piloted by a humanoid entity."
For the duration of RPC-707, RPC-707-2 will fly around the storm in an attempt to locate any human subjects that are not taking shelter.
Add after: "RPC-707-2 locates these subjects in an unknown manner, believed to be superior to human sight."
When it does so, RPC-707-1 will immediately teleport twenty meters from the individual within their line of sight.
"RPC-707-1 will immediately demanifest, and manifest again…"
Additionally, it has been reported that humanoid entities, designated as RPC-707-3, manifest sporadically during RPC-707. RPC-707-3 are humanoid entities that instances are always seen wearing arctic grade winter equipment including a parka, ski goggles, winter pants, winter boots, a ski mask, and mittens. The right hand of RPC-707-3 is replaced by a bone-like growth that carries an ice pick of unknown make.
"RPC-707-3 show no right hands, instead having a bone growth wrapping around an ice pick of unknown make."
Currently, only one successful attempt at communicating with an RPC-707-3 instance has been documented, for more information please see addendem.1.
"RPC-707-3 have been succesfully contacted once. See Addendum 1."
Foreword: The following interview occurred after it was requested by this particular RPC-707-3 instance.
How and when? Describe.
The interview feels incredibly robotic. I'd suggest entirely scrapping it and having the Authority reach out to that specific 707-3, to then have the interview occur. Have it be a little less obvious, try to relay a bit less information so you can play more with negative space and implications.
The following are a collection of reports detailing various abnormal occurrences relating to RPC-707 during this time.
This is only one occurrence.
The debrief log is similarly robotic and monotonous. It could be formatted better by being a video log, perhaps of an agent observing activity from some distance.
Overall, it feels like it could be much better executed. Remember to use negative space! The lack of information is more interesting than the aboundance of.
I'd rate it a +2.5
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