The muddy soil initially gave some traction problems but there was nothing that a tow from an Italian C1 Ariete main battle tank can’t solve.
comma before but; couldn't instead of can't
The nightlife in the city was just starting—people coming down to bars and clubs and into the beaches after a hard day at work… It made Connors sad that these innocent civilians are completely oblivious to what is currently happening just a few kilometers away from them.
No need to capitalize it here, as ellipses only end a sentence when there are spaces between the periods and then a final period to actually end the phrase (so like work …. instead of work…). This is reoccurring throughout the tale and may be influenced by Wikidot being Wikidot in an actual post, so I'll mention it here and nowhere else.
There was something about it that captivated her eyes.
Captivated her, not her eyes. She's mentally focused on it as well, right?
No, it was just a bronze cross, pure and simple. Although it did bear a few Latin scriptures on its side.
The second sentence starts with although, which shouldn't be used to start a sentence in this case. I recommend merging these.
Perhaps:
No, it was just a bronze cross, pure and simple; although it did bear a few Latin scriptures on its side.
They arrived on the port just after sunset.
at the port.
Navarro’s shift had ended just a while ago—made evident with the large number of workers leaving the port.
a large number; I'd recommend a comma instead of a dash, with an and following.
It was quite hot for an Italian night at that time, considering it was the start of winter.
I would reword this to make it flow a tad easier, maybe like
Considering the onset of winter, the Italian night was rather hot at the moment.
or something like that.
Sure, they can meet him in his house but Keller was not the kind of person that has an extended amount of patience in his chest.
Needs a comma before but, and I'd recommend saying "person that has a lot of patience in his heart." Keeps with the metaphorical tone of the sentence but compresses it a tad and makes it less wordy.
He intended on reducing that chance to near-zero, so he did what every reasonable people do: ask others where Navarro was.
what all reasonable people do or what any reasonable person would do
Keller asked. “Sto cercando Diego Navarro, lo conosci?”
Keller asked, "Sto cerando Diego Navarro, lo conosci?"
Worth noting to italicize foreign languages.
at his side; floating period at the end there.
Connors found herself again still fidgeting on the bronze cross, subconsciously as they walked. She’d better put it away before it intervenes with her pistol-drawing dexterity, so she simply put it on around her neck.
I really recommend merging these two sentences, as they stand they sound super wordy.
Try something like:
Connors once again found herself fidgeting with the bronze cross subconsciously as they walked, so she elected to put it around her neck as to not interfere with her ability to draw her pistol.
They later found themselves under the shadow of a gigantic harbor crane, standing tall with four legs in its shining yellow skin.
the gigantic harbor crane, there's no need to be indefinite here as the crane in mention was already described as important earlier.
Connors could only wonder what they mean…
They meant.
Keller took a deep breath, preparing to lit the fuse of a bomb.
preparing to light
Navarro turned his head around, face turned pale and blank.
turning pale and blank, as the second action was occurring alongside the first and would be in the progressive.
Navarro wished them a good night before heading back to his colleague just under the harbor crane.
Don't think you need harbor here. the crane works fine.
Connors knew. She just knew, even before the last bit about the handshake.
Might want to italicize knew here, just for emphasis. It's just my personal preference, but it adds to the weight of Connors' "revelation."
On the road, Connors sat silent; not even a small talk.
Fragment after the semicolon. I'd reword to
Connors sat silent on the drive, not even opening her mouth for small talk.
No interactions from Keller either, since he just loved the silence.
Given the previous sentence, I'd reword to no attempts to force conversation
They later arrived on a nice little cozy Italian restaurant named “Ristorante Amici Miei”. Keller parked his sedan out front.
I'd merge these with a comma and an and.
He had made his way out of the car but Connors was still there, completely dead silent, staring at nothing.
Stick with dead silent or completely silent, combining the two seems a bit wordy/redundant.
As they were greeted by the host, it wasn’t very long until they get their own seats.
After being greeted by
By the looks of it, the restaurant was just opened, so there weren’t many guests on the door.
had just opened
They sat down on the table, wrapped in white.
at the table
Connors was now aware of her surroundings but she still had this blank face since she exited the car.
still wore the same blank face since exiting the car.
However, she started holding onto the cross on her necklace. Keller was getting visibly concerned for her.
I'd reword this given prior interaction between the characters. Maybe
Once she reverted to holding onto the cross again, Keller got visibly concerned. Since it shows Connors falling back into a habit that Keller took note of.
She wanted to ask him something—a quite controversial question.
I'd reword the latter half of this to something along the lines of
something touchy/sensitive/[insert synonym here, you get the point]. The fact she's asking something already gives that it's probably going to be a question, making the last word redundant in this case.
She poked the tiger too long and now it’s ambushing her with its claws.
Hardly an ambush, metaphorically speaking. Recommend rewording to:
She poked the tiger too much and now it was clawing her.
Not long, the redheaded waitress came to their table with their order on hand.
Not long after,
He raised the glass up into his nose, smelling its delicate aroma before taking a small sip of it. “The Italians makes Cabernet Sauvignon better than anyone else.”
The Italians make
All in all, a lot of the issues spawn from grammatical stuff regarding conjugation and preposition usage. I know you're ESL, so that's to be expected, but conceptually it's a good follow-up and keeps things going. I'm anticipating the final part- it's looking good so far.