As crepes said, this is more of a brain storming idea/pitch, rather than a draft.
having manifested their powers through some traumatic event that caused them to manifest as a result.
This is a cause for power manifestation, not an explanation of its origin.
The paragraphs describing characters
To put it lightly, an editor would not be happy if you brought him something like this: Keep character description 20 words or less. Also use simpler placeholder names.
Homosexual.
- Constantly speaks like a stereotypical British person and is always wearing a top hat on their person.
unless it plays a role in the tale, entirely unnecessary mention of a trait
The Tale:
This pitch feels like the written equivalent of a walking simulator
two agents from MI13 and taken to an alleyway
What agency? Why do they approach him in a manner that might cause a scene
To put it bluntly, this is bad. Really bad. I see the potential and am interested in the setting, but you do not explain anything that happens: Events just come to be without no explanation, it feels like you are adding one thing after another in an attempt to fill the story with interesting content, but have no idea how to shape that content. The punctuation is non existent, so are page breaks. Nothing happens in the end since both characters seem to forget the events of the tale, which will SERIOUSLY dissapoint readers because it will feel it was not necessary to read it if even the main characters don't remember the story they are a part of.
When writing the important moments of a story in a chronological order, write them in short, readable lines with no more than 10-15 words. Keep out any irrelevant and unnecessary details. Plan what HAPPENS int the story, not what the reader should feel.
I recommend rewriting all of this in a readable format, and then writing down the actual tale. Good luck