http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/excer-rpc-3
Tell me what you think.
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/excer-rpc-3
Tell me what you think.
This is very good. you've taken a concept as simple as someone talking about making a kawaii or anime something kind of article on Discord to a real thing, which shows dedication to your ideas.
I think the concept itself is wacky, in a good way. I mean, its a cat-person…
The background is interesting, but why did KK show interest to this anomaly in the first place?
Dr. Leinasso
That one writer…
Thanks, well KK is the one that made it. Basically they're taking children and raising them as animals to sell them off as animal people that you see in anime.
You know what screw wikidot I lost this 4 TIMES while trying to write it so I'll do the brief version
This is a good idea but needs a major rewrite that heads in a darker direction. Cut out the interview logs that tell us nothing new and remove kitty catcher. Both don't add to the story and tell us details we know already. The details on POI-257 are not that important IMO. I think that them just being nameless/faceless works well enough. For the tapes, you need to go full steam ahead with the disturbing themes. This is the authority, unless it needs to be censored for security reasons, it shouldn't be censored especially if there is a warning, in fancy font nonetheless, before it.
Maybe try experimenting with RPC-X committing suicide or harming themselves as a result of not having their master around. This is a KK article after all, make it as disturbing as possible. 2/5 in its current state
I'll remove the interview logs, but i'm gonna keep the Kitty Catcher one since I feel like that helps to give the Bakeneko some sympathy. I wasn't sure if to make them pornographic or not since it says in the KK theme don't make stuff that's pornographic.
Understood.
RPC-XXX is to be contained humanoid containment cell at Site-038.
Should be:
RPC-XXX is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment cell at Site-038.
We usually capitalize things like the Humanoid Containment Cell too.
RPC-XXX's cell must have guards posted outside with stun weaponry
Should probably use 'non-lethal weaponry, such as tazers and CS-gas,' or whatever would be the equivalent for disabling this RPC instead.
Additionally, RPC-XXX is to now be blindfolded in all cases of escorting due to subsequent escape attempt.
Rewrite the sentence structure to something like:
Due to subsequent escape attempts, RPC-XXX is to now be blindfolded in all transfers between its containment chamber and the target location.
RPC-XXX possesses features similar to those of Felis Catus
Italicalizing is usually better for scientific names. No capitals is usually good for it too. May be personal preference showing.
RPC-XXX's body has been subject to whip scars which through analysis, have appeared to be non-anomalous.
I don't really like this sentence, most because of the injuries being analysed and confirmed non-anomalous. Why would the Authority think they might be anomalous in the first place? You mention no kind of healing factor or anything that might affect the ability for the body to generate scar tissue in its abilities.
RPC-XXX possesses different anomalous traits similar to those of the Bakeneko.
It would manifest anomalous traits similar to those of the Bakeneko.
'cursing' people by placing some form of anomalous enchantment on them,
Enchantments are anomalous by nature. No need for the adjective here.
RPC-XXX actively speaks about needing to reunite with its "Master" and that without them, their own life has no meaning.
Second half of the sentence should be more clinical. Hell, the whole sentence could use a do-over.
RPC-XXX actively seeks to regroup with an individual it addresses as "Master", hereby designated POI-whatever, and has also expressed a significant lack of motive to live without their "Master".
RPC-XXX displays deep mental distress and during most of its time, will actively display behaviour similar to that of a Felis Catus, even when in human state.
I imagine it would, being psychologically traumatised and suffering with PTSD. You can link this sentence with the first sentence in that paragraph like so:
RPC-XXX suffers from Stockholm Syndrome, PTSD and psychological trauma; likely as a result of constant sexual abuse from PoI-257. This is expressed in its displayed behaviour, acting like a typical domesticated cat regardless of physical state and registering a SCORE on the SOME MENTAL TEST FOR SCORING STRESS.
Might be difficult to do it, but I believe in ya.
Despite RPC-XXX having believable links to Kabushiki Kawaii, they claim to have no knowledge on the group, other than the fact that they were raised in a facility and suffered harsh and believably sexual treatment there.
Nothing much wrong here, glad you know how to use commas well. Believably sexual? I'd say "harsh treatment and sexual abuse". No need to sugar coat it.
Interviewer: Researcher. Arata Ito
Unless it's been shortened, no need for the fullstop after Researcher.
In general, I'd double check for fullstops. You're missing quite a few. You can also display a little more emotion by using punctuation more, like:
RPC-XXX: exasperated L-look, it was like a pet shelter, alright? I'd live in a cage, be let out and told to play with the toys given like mice and a scratching post…!
Text doesn't convey context well. Reading this as is, it starts off looking like the RPC is slightly meek but becomes aggrssive quickly coming to a head at the use of the word 'abuse'. Don't be afraid to describe how the character is talking with short italicalized descriptors.
You're also missing the final bit of an interview log, gonna post it here:
>
> **<End Log, [optional time info]>**
>
> **Closing Statement:** [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward]
You can use this to describe how it closes up.
It starts off seemingly following off of the previous log. I'm assuming you're going to fill in the foreword to mentioned what transpired between Addendum-2 and -3. If not… do that!
Don't use capitals to try and express responses of anger or disgust. This is meant to be an official document. Use something like angrily or quickly.
Additionally it doesn't seem to mind the word abuse being used now, let alone being told it has SS, after what transpired before. People don't just change that quickly. They'll alter their attitude but they won't be happy to. Given what they might try to do again, surely Ito would try and avoid calling the abuse what it is again?
RPC-XXX survived but at the moment of its awake,
Did you mean: awakening, waking, wake up?
continuously exclaiming that it "wasn't going to live without its master".
I feel like you could have them simply call their owner by the name 'Master' a lot more in the interviews to indicate a less educated history. Given that the individual-in-question is someone who, as far as we know, has been sexually abused since they were born they might have only been trained to call their owner 'Master' or only ever know them as 'Master' in general.
They seem a little more educated and calmer in the second interview so it can make sense for them to if they mention some kind of education, but they just seem like someone turned into a catboy and made to be fucked as much as possible. Doesn't make sense to me.
RPC-XXX remained heavily depressed and made no attempt to eat during meals, requiring that it be force fed to which it heavily objected to but all complaints were ignored due to safety concerns for its health.
Split these sentences.
RPC-XXX remained heavily depressed and made no attempt to eat during meals requiring that it be force fed, to which it heavily objected. RPC-XXX's complaints were ignored due to safety concerns for its health.
Beyond it telling us their master killed themselves, there's little need for something like this. The incident log could have been extended to briefly describe this situation as well as the recovered items. Just make it the ending to the incident.
Christ the font. Change it to an official notice. I know we have one in the Widget Hub, linked in the Formatting Guide. Maybe the sidenotes Vizlox made?
Additionally. You don't just [HEAVILY REDACTED] something. You only use [REDACTED] when redacting something.
And why does Tape 6 end before PoI finishes tying the rope? Keep it going for [REDACTED] days and say the camera was recovered too. Go ham on the thing.
A little bit of unnecessary violence and conflicting attitudes near the end, but that can be fixed. Overrall something I could recoil to, but in general I found myself either sighing at what was about to happen or just confused by the character. RPC-XXX is in an abusive relationship with their master and defends them because of Stockholm Syndrome but runs away from them after all the abuse? Why? I can at least understand why the shock of their master dead prevented them from committing suicide at the end.
Overall? Not my cup of tea, you mixed the salt and sugar together and now it just tastes weird. Could definitely be great but the Bakeneko's personality should be more cohesive. Is it an abused creature instinctively defending its master, or did it want to run away?
Definitely remove Kittycatcher Op and condense it into the Incident Log of it escaping. You can garner sympathy and disgust with the tapes.