I quickly pushed away the idea.
you don't push away ideas. Use :"I quickly changed my mind"
my knees jerked to the floor
my knees fell to the floor
we cut the wankers arms off” he looks up at a girl “what do you think?”
we cut the wankers arms off." He looks up at a girl: “What do you think?”
so I say “I personally
so I say: “I personally
Every time you begin someone saying something, you need to put two dots.
eg. She said: "Blah blahbitty blah"
Also, use some puctuations/commas. It feels everything is said in one breath.
And use a couple of page breaks. The article is short, but it can be more presentable.
you don't push away ideas. Use :"I quickly changed my mind"
It's called a metaphor. It's a language technique.
my knees fell to the floor
They can jerk too.
"I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."
As I blindly walk through the desolate town with no goal in mind.
Text makes no grammatical sense. Either finish the thought, or remove the "As".
I find a small row of homes and consider raiding them for food but I quickly rejected the idea.
Tense error. Change "rejected" to "reject".
The thought of stealing from houses owned by corpses like a rat and walking through the memories of man as a thief disgusted me.
Weirdly paced sentence, but that's just me. If you find this valid, I'd change to:
"The thought of stealing from the house of a corpse like a rat, and walking through the memories of man as a thief… It disgusts me."
“Those guys always bring bad meat… I propose we cut the wankers arms off."
Start quotations on the next line following a regular sentence. Also, change "wankers" to "wanker's".
That's about all I could find. personally, the structure of the story bugged me in terms of sentence and paragraph structure. I'd recommend spacing sentences out a bit. Once every thought has been explored, hit enter and seperate the next.
Example:
The both of them then shove me out the door.
“Bye!” They both cry out as they slam the door behind me.
I walk till the house is out of sight, into the wasteland once ruled by mankind thinking… that I might find solace.
As well as that, the ending left me wanting a bit more of a satisfying conclusion. It feels too fast, so I'd recommend exploring the psyche of the narrator a little more. I'm a sucker for doom and gloom incorporated into meaningful character progression, so that might be worth trying.
Good work Jimmy.
"I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."