The following is crit that was given to me by Discord user 7777villain
Containment Protocols:
-"un-containable" is a messy word. I might use "can not be contained" or some other phrase.
-Amnestic doesn't really work as a verb. "Given Class A amnestics" would be more appropriate. Also, if the Authority found that a citizen was in an area of a known RPC, especially one related to a GoI, it would make sense for them to apprehend and interrogate the citizen before giving them amnestics
-Even if the RPC can not be contained, that doesn't mean the Authority would just leave its known residence open with a few warning signs. I'd suggest some more tight security protocols, such as fencing and possibly patrols to monitor for human activity approaching the cave
-"All links that are relevant to GoI-013 are to be immediately reported to the Site Director" I don't know if this sentence should be included in the containment protocol. I might include that in an addendum related to the RPCs relation to the GoI.
-"…it is unknown as to how exactly RPC-XXX powers itself, nor what its intended function is…" You say that there it's unknown what its purpose is, but it has a scheduled routine where it clearly paints an unknown symbol in the sky. While I'm not saying it's a guarantee, with the notes in the expedition log and this symbol formation every morning, one may be able to infer that it is sending a signal to someone, yet the Authority may not know who.
-"…move around in the ██████ in Africa." This isn't sufficient location information for a research document. A research document should clearly tell where an anomaly is. A suggestion would be to maybe say something along the lines of 'the humanoid moves around a designated cavern in [redacted], [Country Name], Africa'.
-"RPC-XXX will constantly levitate…" How? Even if it is impossible to know the true mechanism of how it works, inferences can still be made based on observation. Does it have thrusters for example? It's okay to not know explain certain functions, but be mindful of that.
-This critique is a little more significant but I think it would make for a better effect: I think you should use hovering lights rather than water vapour for the signal. The idea of floating lights is a lot more mysterious than simple mist. As well, water vapour is mostly transparent and pretty hard to see, unless it is brightly colored or something. This is, of course, your story, so you don't have to change this aspect
Discovery:
-If the hour and minute of discovery is known, then the date should also be known.
-"…found a cavern wall containing different symbols…" This is very vague. You haven't really established where the cave is other than in Africa. I'd recommend nailing a specific location in mind, just like earlier.
-"…only 25% having any relevance to those found in other cultures…" What other cultures? Authority members in theory have access to a lot of knowledge. If these symbols are tied to the RPC, it's possible there's a greater connection, especially if the symbols are not native to the region.
-You need to add colons between the names of the individuals and what they say. It looks a lot neater that way.
- "Objective: To explore and find any information relating to RPC-XXX." Though we both know what 'explore' means, remember that people reading the log may not. Be more specific than just saying 'to explore'. Also, why would the exploration team be looking for information related to RPC-XXX? It hasn't been established prior that they knew of its existence. The objective should be related instead to finding out more about the cave itself and its relation to the redacted RPC.
- "It's safer to test this out than send an MST unit in there, we'd likely end up just wasting resources." You should probably emphasize more the safety of sending in a drone rather than cost-effectiveness. Most of the time MSTs seem to actually be more useful than a drone, so there has to be a good reason to go straight for the drone.
-"…what exactly is the filter system again?" Dr. Ross is presumably a researcher for the Authority. He should be fully aware of the cognitohazard filtering system used on drones.
-There's a couple spots where you don't end a sentence with a period. I'd do another quick glance-over of the log.
-"…The drone takes a picture before heading backwards as the cave does not go any further." There were clearly signs of somebody in here, and reading the documents, it appears as if whoever was inside had enough time to construct a drone. Even if there's no trace of a body, or even trace of a campsite, there should at least be a description that suggests a person could inhabit the cave. Even simply saying the cavern widens out at the end but there's nothing there would be good.
-… i'll set the drone to auto-" Just missed a capital I.
-"Uhh, what exactly is it doing?" This seems like a pretty tame response to discovering an anomalous creature. There should definitely be a greater sense of surprise and other emotions
-"The orb and crown remain motionless for about 30 seconds before releasing a voiced message via unknown means. The gender of the voice is unknown." The fact that it can speak is very important and should be included in the main description. Speech means contact through non-physical means. Have Authority members tried speaking to the RPC from a distance for example? If so, does it not respond? Have there been cases where it has spoken?