This is pretty decent. The attempts at shock value stood out as something of a weak point; just describing violent scenarios in a jarring context isn't funny, disturbing, or unique anymore. It's already been done better with pieces like SCP-1987, SCP-2030, and even this wiki's own RPC-585. It doesn't come off as strange or otherworldly when it's the exact thing I was expecting the author to do.
Otherwise, though, this article is solid. The anomaly is nice and simple, the results are interesting enough to explore a little bit, and I concede that the infomercial tone is nailed with pin-point precision. Not my favorite, but it works pretty well. 4/5