http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/robotranic-contest-entry
rip my horrible writing and formatting skills a new one please
The Image:
RPC-XXX before gaining anomalous properties
"RPC-XXX before developing anomalous properties" sounds more clinical
Containment Protocols:
RPC-XXX is to be kept on open water at all times with a crew of 7 personnel wearing short-term full body toxic environment suits
RPC-XXX is to be kept on open waters at all times with a crew consisting of at least seven (7) personnel wearing short-term full body toxic environment suits.* Puttig a period at the end makes the whole things run smoother
and equipped with a rubber and hydrogen-chloride mixture sprayed inside RPC-XXX interior for a period of 24 hours
All personnel are to be equipped with a rubber and hydrogen-chloride mixture which is to be sprayed on on the interior of RPC-XXX on 24-hour intervals.* Another period here also works great
a tug boat is to tow RPC-XXX at all times to prevent RPC-XXX-1 from activating.
This section looks like it was added as an after thought, and would fit better somewhere earlier on the article
also, this is a good place to separate your paragraphs, leavingn empty space after this "a tug boat is to tow RPC-XXX at all times to prevent RPC-XXX-1 from activating."
personnel on RPC-XXX are to be replaced at 12:00PM NZT when RPC-XXX arrives at OL-site-052.
*You missed the capitalization of personnel** Personnel on RPC-XXX are to be replaced at 12:00PM NZT on their arrival at OL-site-052.*
If RPC-XXX does not return to OL-site-052 MST Alpha-02(Maritime Praesidio Subvehi)
If RPC-XXX does not return to OL-site-052, MST Alpha-02 ("Maritime Praesidio Subvehi")*
Description:
RPC-XXX is a 15 meter long non-functional fishing vessel designed to farm Pāua off the New Zealand cost line1 ,
RPC-XXX is a 15m long, non-functional fishing vessel, designed to farm Pāua off the New Zealand cost line,1* Remeber to always put footnotes after , or . because if not, it looks wierd as fuck
RPC-XXX the main captains room has been over taken by an anomalous tumor 5 meters in diameter which the authority has refereed to as RPC-052-1.
The main captain's room on RPC-XXX has been taken over by an orgamisn resembling a tumor, messuring 5 meters in diameters with an estimated weight of (idk put a number here), which will now be refereed to as RPC-052-1* If you call if RPC-052-1. why dont you change RPC-XXX to RPC-052?
RPC-XXX-1 produces an electrical current of 15 Kw with every pulse it makes, when it builds up enough energy it will discharge a black oil like substrate (now refereed to as OM200) filling up the ships interior and spilling out into the surrounding area yet the liquid will never deviate away from RPC-XXX without manually collecting it
I think you should clarify what a pulse is regarding the anomaly. also how does it produce energy? does it store it somewhere? and "enough energy" is a vague ass term that would never be used, you need to be specific. This whole thing makes little sense due to how its worded, and why would they name it OM200 and not RPC-XXX-2? Whats does discarche it means? How is it produced? Also if it always spills out, what does it do to the terrain? is there water contamination? And why is it never mentioned on the containment? Needs more development
but on much rarer occasion's RPC-XXX is able to form original melodies suggesting a higher degree of intellect.
A horn making music has nothing to do with the anomaly being sapient
however RPC-XXX-1 will clog the engine room if it feels endangered and will cause RPC-XXX to submerge in the oil it creates causing RPC-XXX to reappear 5 kilometres from OL-site-052. More information about OL-site-052 can be viewed on the subsequent tab.
*What now???? this whole thing fells extremely rushed, use more , my guy. And even so, i dont get what you trying to say. You mean that the ships fills up with fluid and then submerges itself on the water to spawn againa at OL-052?**
This whole description makes little sense, it may be because of the way you wrote it or the lack of explaining, but you need to work on it a lot more, explain what each anomaly is deeply, not just mention them once.
Addendum XXX-1:
Further analysis of OM200 shows that it is capable of corrupting any gasoline based engine and assume a limited form of control over the machine it's connected to often improving the machines they connect to but contact with organic materials causes an it to coagulate forming an instance of RPC-XXX-1 to manifest, Subjects who have been in contact with OM200 report an increasing xenophobia towards races of lighter skin tone, nostalgic feelings for the ocean and a biological need to be close to RPC-XXX.
I guess this implies that RPC-XXX-1 is the ship's captain turned into a tumor, good idea, didnt see it executed in any way aside from the horn sounds and the ship moving towards a landmass (if that even counts) and it also turns you racist and ives you a boatman personality, which, ok?????????
If the subjects are kept away for extended periods the RPC-XXX-1 instances inside them will expand and discharge 0M200 out of the mouth and anus of the infected subject
Still haven't explained in detail how they create energy or store it, or went in dept about the OM200 aside from comparing it to RPC-180, which i haven't read, like other people may have not, and using another RPC as an example is bad, your idea should stand on its own
Discovery:
In 1983 the NZ coastal guard was alerted to an oil spill just 2 kilometres south of Stewart island from a fishing vessel that went missing just a week earlier, The crew were found with their digestive tracks overflowing with the back substance RPC-XXX-1 creates which also meant they could not leave the ship due to the substances properties leading to their deaths, Authority personnel were then alerted than dispatched to recover RPC-XXX.
The captains journal was also obtained and can be viewed inside the recovered materials tab.
In 1983 the New Zealand coastal guard was alerted to an oil spill 2 kilometres south of Stewart island from a fishing vessel that went missing just a week earlier. The crew were found with their digestive tracks overflowing with the a black substance (believed to be caused by RPC-XXX-1), that being their cuase of death. Authority personnel were alerted by the local goverment with a MST being dispacthed to investigate and contain the anomaly. The captain's journal was also found, and can be views inside the recovered materials tab.*
Final Review:
The whole article is lacking and confusing, mostly due to your writing style and compacting all paragraphs together, it needs a lot more work but i think the idea has potential.
As of now 2/5