http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/ascribersandbox-no-10
If you crit this, you get a guaranteed Ascriber Crit Token. Crit4crit is the one thing I will absolutely never ghost you on.
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/ascribersandbox-no-10
If you crit this, you get a guaranteed Ascriber Crit Token. Crit4crit is the one thing I will absolutely never ghost you on.
no object class picture
hazards should be written as "XXX Hazard"
Otherwise and in public he is an apparently non-anomalous man in his mid-70s
feel free to ignore nitpicking but how old exactly
Records of RPC-052's youth and exact date of birth have been scrubbed by the US federal government and further Authority investigation has proven unsuccessful.
why
RPC-052 settled in Limerick, New Hampshire by 1979 and has remained there since.
suggest reword to "settled in Limerick, New Hampshire in 1979"
RPC-052 presents as a model small-town American citizen.
suggest add "presents itself"
RPC-052 begins to scream and wildly gesticulate, only ceasing when the secretions reduce RPC-052's vocal and motor functions to nil.
how does it post on reddit if it's in so much pain it can't speak
RPC-052's personal computer, designated RPC-052-1, lifts into the air by unknown means, striking the bare walls and RPC-052's catatonic body at random for fifteen (15) minutes.
not critique but what the FUCK
The federal agents, representing a classified American agency, departed amiably: a warning was passed down the next day to cease surveillance on RPC-052. This warning referred to RPC-052 as an "old, tired soul", claiming he "deserved some rest after his hardest night yet."
why not just make them the CIA or something, "classified American agency" sounds really weird compared to the rest of this very good article
the AUthority
typo
the federal government's
minor gripe, but should specify that it's the American federal government and not just the federal government
Only critiques are grammar-based, otherwise it's a good article. Quite enjoyed the read!
"The night before the annual Election Day in the United States, Site-207 ASF personnel will contact Maintenance Union Post #207-3"
[Worded strangely, consider revising]
"During the RPC-052 election night phenomena,"
[Change to "During RPC-052's election night phenomena,"]
"on the night of a US election. Otherwise and in public he is an apparently non-anomalous man"
[Change to "on the night of a US election; otherwise, he is an apparently non-anomalous man"]
"RPC-052 settled in Limerick, New Hampshire by 1979"
[Change to "RPC-052 settled in Limerick, New Hampshire in 1979"]
"(the only time he locks his door annually in relatively crime-free Limerick)"
[Suggest changing to "(the only time he locks his door annually in Limerick's relatively crime-free neighborhood)"]
"RPC-052 retreats to the basement"
[Change to "RPC-052 retreats to his basement"]
"These are initially consistent with IP-traced posts from throughout the year,"
[Remove "initially"]
"Observed chemicals include a piranha solution"
[Is "piranha" the right word? I don't know enough about chemistry to tell. Do you mean "chimera," for a hybrid solution? Or does piranha reference its corrosive nature?]
"reduce RPC-052's vocal and motor functions to nil."
[Suggest changing to "reduce RPC-052's vocal and motor functions to a near-catatonic state."]
"where they flow into acid-hardened runoff system of Site-207."
[Add "the" between "into" and "acid-hardened"]
"at the Lake Akonquitt Boy Scouts Camp: RPC-052 is demonstrates no unusual"
[Change to "at the Lake Akonquitt Boy Scouts Camp. RPC-052 demonstrates no unusual"]
"agents of the United States federal government, apparently doing the same task."
[Suggest changing "doing" to "performing"]
That's all I was able to find! Good luck, man!
The night before the annual Election Day in the United States,
This reads awkwardly. I'd go read the wikipedia page on it so you can be a bit more clear.
During the RPC-052 election night phenomena
I think this should be phenomenon. It seems singular.
RPC-052 only exhibits anomalous phenomena in private on the night of a US election.
This is a really confusing first sentence to the description. Start with what the anomaly actually is before you go into the conditions of its properties.
In large part owing to the 052-2010 Incident the Authority is not in direct custody of RPC-052 and cannot conduct a comprehensive physiological examination, particularly on election night.
I think there should be a comma after "Incident." Also, this doesn't make much sense. If they can't conduct an examination at all, how could they be somehow less able to on election night? Either rewrite it so that the Authority is able to do limited examination normally but not at all on election night, or remove the election night thing entirely.
Specific instances include "Teddy's Tracks", a day-long hike along the north shore of Lake Akonquitt to promote local conservation efforts with the story of the 26th US President, and drug education outreach to the trailer park along the Suunoc River.
This sentence comes out of nowhere. Specific instances of what? The last thing you said was low-income youth education and I'm pretty sure hiking along the north shore is not an example of that. I assume this is an example of the first thing, community activities, but you put a bunch of other stuff in between and it makes it really confusing at first.
Of particular note is RPC-052's consistent involvement with election efforts at the Limerick town hall, cheerfully serving as a volunteer at the polling station every election year.
You state earlier that the election stuff happens every year, so it's redundant to say "every election year." Just say "every year."
Anomalous election night phenomena begins at 7:00PM EST, when RPC-052 departs the polling station after polls close.
Again, should be phenomenon. Either that or change "begins" to "begin."
I think it would be more inline with the previous two (CNN and TheHill) to specify the subreddit, presumably r/politics.
God, look at that stupid fucking face. Permanent WHHAAAA? She'll get the wall too. ]
This bracket looks unintentional.
I'm fucking done. America just elected a nigger.
BASED. I swear this line is going to win you the contest.
The purpose of this phenomena and the means by which RPC-052-1 survives the events of the night is unknown.
phenomenon*
Also, minor nitpick but I feel like "survives" isn't the best word here. Maybe "sustained no damage during" or something.
Surveillance shows that RPC-052 demonstrates no particular knowledge of the anomalous phenomena that besets him on election night.
phenomenon*
pre-election night
This reads weirdly with the hyphen compound. I would change it for "prior" or something else simple.
RPC-052 is demonstrates no unusual resilience outside of election night and its aftermath.
surveillance apparatus were placed
The plural of apparatus is apparatuses.
The information and aftermath photo found in this article was were largely collected during this period.
I don't think this sentence adds anything. I would axe it.
In the aftermath of the 2010 election night Authority agents attempting to enter RPC-052's residence to retrieve surveillance apparatus encountered agents of the United States federal government, apparently doing the same task.
I would add a comma after "election night."
apparatuses*
I'd also swap "doing the same task" for "attempting the same task."
The federal agents, representing a classified American agency, departed amiably: a warning was passed down the next day to cease surveillance on RPC-052.
Minor nitpick but I would capitalize the "a" after the colon since the following is a complete sentence. I remember reading about this some time ago, and I don't think it's grammatically necessary, but I think it looks better.
Also, explain what the note is. Who is passing it down and to whom? I'm confused by this. If it's higher-ups at the Authority sending a note down to whatever Union workers are dealing with it, it seems awful emotional for what I'd imagine dumb paper pushing labcoats in admin or research to send, assuming it comes from them.
This warning referred to RPC-052 as an "old, tired soul", claiming he "deserved some rest after his hardest night yet."
I think the comma should be inside the quotes to be grammatically correct. Although I vaguely recall that it might be fine in like, British grammar or something? I don't know.
Overall I think the discovery was kind of a weird conclusion to it. It's a bit all over the place and I don't feel like it builds on anything much. The question I had as soon as I read "RPC-052's previously non-partisan views will shift to the perspective of the losing side as exit poll results accumulate." is "what happens when there isn't a losing party? What does he do when it's a tie the whole way through?" I think that could make a better ending if you can come up with something that puts everything on its head in some way as an ending log or whatever.