otherworldly isopods
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/moistbread96
first article in a while- written in the spanky new RCPA format, still intended to be a mainlist one
otherworldly isopods
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(account deleted)RCP-413 is physiologically similar to Bathynomus giganteus,
I recommend following up the latin name with the "commonly referred to" name in brackets. (e.g: Bathynomus giganteus (giant isopod))
In that way, RCP-413's mind holds the same consciousness as every other member of its species;
Recommend rewording to: "Through this connection, RCP-413's mind shares the same consciousness as every other member of its species;"
Despite this anomalous link, RCP-413 itself can only hold so much information within its brain at any given time, and interviewers should take this into account if RCP-413 begins displaying symptoms of this.
What are the symptoms? And how is it limited? You need to explain this a bit more.
Noncompliant
Hyphen between "non" and "compliant"
My, supervisor
Remove the comma.
Give you a hint, pal:
Add an "I'll" before "give". Remove the comma too.
Notable speech difference,
Remove the comma, replace it with a hyphen.
why are you speaking to, me specifically, like this?
Remove the commas for better pacing.
That's, rather refreshing.
Replace the comma with an ellipsis.
That, is not an answer.
Remove the comma.
Information is to be further gathered from RCP-413.
Suggest swapping the wording around, rewording it to: "Further information is to be gathered from RPC-413."
Trepidation fills us when we think of your future.
Suggest rewording to: "Trepidation fills us as we ponder your future."
yoke,
"yolk", not "yoke"
What, if you are so wise after all, could be more powerful than the men who kill gods?
Seems a bit awkwardly worded. Further, we could perhaps raise the self-righteousness present here. Recommend rewording to: "If you are so wise, I ask you this; What could be more powerful than the men who kill gods?"
You sound almost, sour.
Replace the comma with an ellipsis.
We have now seen your gaol.
Not sure if you meant "goal", or the proper noun for "jail", but I'll mention it nonetheless.
Thought you met gods?
Add an "I" before "thought".
Levine: Central is only using you for information. You're shooting the messenger here.
I don't think you'd imply you're using an interdimensional hive mind for your own newly-deemed malicious purposes if you're worried about offending it, but that's just a nitpick.
It is your blood-borne right to climb the highest peaks,
I got that! I understood that reference!
Conclusion:
That's all I could really find. Overall, I love this article; it ties together the extra-dimensional anomalies of the site very well, and the intriguing incorporation of the Avi and the Halberd Corps are excellent, opening up many lore opportunities. The only problems with the article are merely somke writing gripes and a couple of pacing and grammar issues, but the article is solid. 4 stars in current state, 5 if changes are made.
"I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."
I told you to finish the tale not an RCP, homo
At the bottom of the page, your page-links are labeled "RPC-XXX," despite this being an RCP and already having a number: 413. I don't know enough about the RCPA format to know if that's an issue or not, figured I'd at least point it out.
All in all, a very good article and a good read. Marshall already posted all the pacing and grammar issues I had so I can't really give much crit. Real isopod moment
cross-pollination
Cross-contamination.
its anomalous species.
Its species. You don't need to repeat that it is anomalous.
This one is now the we. Speak with care, you have attracted undivided attention.
As an alien species making first contact the onus on communicating clearly is on the aliens, not the Authority. An alien race that has collected wisdom from multiple realities would know this. That's not to say that the Authority can make a fool of itself, of course.
413/intrlog3.zip
This whole segment as a whole was a bit confusing, but in a way I rather enjoyed1, but from what I understood, the mind of the entirety of the RCP-413 instances decided that the conquest of the RCPA over the other "gods" is an unnatural and harmful state of affairs that has led to them being taken astray from their original purpises and that the hubris of the RCPA will lead to their downfall.
Footnotes
1. Way to get the eldritch tone done well.
Suggested format for the file update section:
[[table style="background-color: blue; width: 100%;"]]
[[row]]
[[cell style="width: 20%"]]
[[f<image http://www.rpc-wiki.net/local--files/component:rcpa-theme/rcpa-logo-small.png width="100%"]]
[[/cell]]
[[cell style="width: 60%"]]
[[div style="color: yellow; font-size: 16px;"]]
[[=]]
**__FILE FORMAT LAST UPDATED: ##48C9B0|01/12/08##__**
**__CLASSIFIED LEVEL: 4/413/NRS-155.070__**
[[>]]
##48C9B0|access granted ##
[[/>]]
[[/=]]
[[/div]]
[[/cell]]
[[cell style="width: 20%"]]
[[f>image http://www.rpc-wiki.net/local--files/component:rcpa-theme/rcpa-logo-small.png width="100%"]]
[[/cell]]
[[/row]]
[[/table]]
Harmful relations with it may spur an inter dimensional invasion of its kin.
interdimensional
Notes have been added on discretionary basis.
a discretionary basis
despite their good will
goodwill
The Howlers failed in conquest of those beneath them
the conquest
REGISTERED CENTRAL PHENOMENON
How about "Registered Counternatural Phenomenom"?
The reason for this request is unknown, however it has been deemed harmless enough to warrant compliance.
Point before however, and comma right after.
My, supervisor told me you speak English?
Use … instead of , in this and the following of Levine's lines.
There's only one other in our database.
What about Remnants?
That, is not an answer.
See above.
We have now seen your gaol
goal
I'm unsure of what recommendations could I give. Given the context of the site, I think it would be more beneficial to see the RCPA world described upclose, rather than the wrongs of the RCPA itself getting even more of the spotlight. There's probably room for that somewhere in the first two interviews.
Other than that, good job. The RPC header works not very well with the RCPA theme.
/forum/t-13406419/otherworldly-isopods#post-