Amazing! Co. Life Printer
What need to add?
Amazing! Co. Life Printer
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» Amazing! Co. Life Printer
Summary:
I need more crit!
I'm not going to try tackling the grammar, as surely other people could and will, and I'm also sure you intend for this to be a -JP article, so I'll try and tackle issues with the article itself. Also my crit would end up longer than your article if I did.
Containment Protocols: RPC-XXX-S was installed at Tokyo Head Quarters(THQ)1 as personal property and is currently only available to local personnel. Every other RPC-XXXs are stored at the Site-876 warehouse and are available for experimental use only It is.
These containment protocols are rather short. They also don't really describe how the devices have to be stored and handled, only really saying where they're stored and handled. Also allowing an RPC to be accessed by just anybody is a risk I'm not sure the Authority would be willing to take, especially when its an Amazing Co. anomaly, which are notorious for breaking and harming those around it.
RPC-XXX is the designation given to the "Life Printer" sold by the GoI "Amazing! Co.". It was mistaken for a "Live printer" and has been discontinued as a result. RPC-XXX-A supports printing in 2D and RPC-XXX-B in 3D.
Objects printed with RPC-XXX are generally intelligent and able to do as much as they can do the owner's instructions; objects printed with RPC-XXX-A or RPC-XXX-B have no ego and are neutralized when the owner's vital signs are gone.
Initially, it was confusing trying to determine whether or not RPC-XXX is a separate thing from RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B. I don't know if this issue carries over into the japanese, but it might be good to first lay out what RPC-XXX overall is, and then describe each individual separate variation in its own little section. Also, Amazing Co. discontinuing a printer because people think its something else doesn't make sense for the GoI when making knock-off bootlegs is their main shtick.
Object to print: Sharbet Dice
Its good to avoid IRL pop culture. They generally make for a pretty severe immersion break. If its important to you that the test be conducted with a character, then perhaps censor the name.
Object to print:
Device: RPC-XXX-B
Result:
Its bad to have empty logs/formatting
Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]
Same as above, and also its better to have the Addendum come after Discovery, not before
Percentages add up to 100%, these add up to way too much.
These containment protocols are rather short.
Sidenote added.
Initially, it was confusing trying to determine whether or not RPC-XXX is a separate thing from RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B.
… oh.
Also, Amazing Co. discontinuing a printer because people think its something else doesn't make sense for the GoI when making knock-off bootlegs is their main shtick.
Looking for Hectopia's one?
Its bad to have empty logs/formatting
Sorry for showing placement.
and also its better to have the Addendum come after Discovery, not before
… oh.
Percentages add up to 100%
Moved about %s have duplicates.
Right!
Grammar And Tone
Usually, I fill this up. Unfortunately, the grammar is a little bit too broken. I am unsure where to begin.
I suggest not using machine translation for articles, as they tend to be quite unreliable.
Structure and Lore
Tokyo Head Quarters(THQ)
Wait, is that meant to be a Site?
Also, anomalies that were bought by accident by the Authority seem to be frowned upon because they make the Authority seem too out of control. I suggest a more conventional method of anomaly retrieval.
Content
So, it's a 3D printer that prints sapient creatures. Basically, an anomaly creator.
I often find that anomaly creators can be a bit "generic" and "cliched". I'm afraid I don't know how to fix it except with a good narrative. Maybe the creations question their existence. Maybe they try to break out. Maybe they hate the Authority like AM in I Have No Mouth.
Narrative
I don't think there is one here at the moment. I assume there will be more in the incomplete Addendum.
Suggested Reading/Reference Material
I don't know about the article yet to give an answer. Sorry about that.
Good luck Lac!
First of all remove all those filler text "[Paragraphs explaining… ]" from the Containment Protocols, Description and Addendums and fill in the Object Class and Hazards
Tokyo Head Quarters(THQ)
That is not how facilities are named, it would be Site-### or Area-###
Every other RPC-XXXs are stored at the Site-[REDACTED] warehouse and are available for experimental use only It is.
All other RPC-XXX instances are stored in Site-[REDACTED] and can only be used for experimental purposes.
Objects printed with RPC-XXX are generally intelligent and able to do as much as they are able to do the owner's instructions; objects printed with RPC-XXX-A or RPC-XXX-B have no ego and are neutralized when the owner's vital signs are gone.
Objects printed with RPC-XXX are sentient and intelligent, and will work to the best of their ability to achieve their owner's instructions.
When printed with RPC-XXX-A or RPC-XXX-B, it has no ego and is disabled when the owner's life reaction disappears.
Instances are not capable of independent thoughts, however and will become inanimate if their owners are deceased
The RPC-XXX-S is a special edition of the RPC-XXX-B, which was sold online in a limited number of units, and has ego and intellect regulation, and by setting both to the lowest possible value, it is possible to print an interior almost identical to that of the RPC-XXX-B. An egoless RPC-XXX-S print can listen to the instructions of an egoless RPC-XXX-S print, which is more intelligent than itself. The instruction manual states that the RPC-XXX-S print will not be incapacitated even if the owner's vital signs are gone.
RPC-XXX-S is a special edition of RPC-XXX-B, which was sold online as a limited edition. RPC-XXX-S is capable of adjusting the ego and intelligence of its prints, and by setting both to the lowest value, it is possible to print reproduce the results achieved by RPC-XXX-B. Sapient RPC-XXX prints are capable of communicating with each other and instructing non-sapient instances.
Discovery: RPC-XXX-S was purchased by Ichika Akagi, the administrator of the Site-[REDACTED], for her own personal use.
RPC-XXX-S was the subject of a lottery sale, and although she and 50,000 others applied for the prize, she describes on the back cover of the instruction sheet that she was selected by non-anomalous luck.
RPC-XXX-S was purchased by Ichika Akagi, the administrator of the Site-[REDACTED], for her own personal use.
RPC-XXX-S was purchased by Director Ichika Akagi of Site-[REDACTED] for personal use under her own name.
The article is extremely barebones and continues to remain incoherent and it is even hard for people to crit because they will have nothing but their own assumptions of what this article meant to work with. Even though you may have gathered 2 crits, DO NOT TAKE THIS AS A SIGN THAT YOUR ARTICLE IS READY TO BE POSTED.
Work on the ideas more, and Actually Learn English, or else it will lead you no where but failure.
Ok, lets start with it:
Containment Protocols: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]
Delete the "[Paragraphs explaining the procedures]" and the one from description and addendum.
RPC-XXX-S1 was installed at Tokyo Head Quarters(THQ) as
The RPC-XXX-S is a special edition of the RPC-XXX-B,
Fine, first of all it's not "The RPC", it's only "RPC" because RPC it's like a person's name, you can't say "The Victor", second and most important: There was a footnote on "RPC-XXX-S1 was installed" that says RPC-XXX-S was a Site, footnote said "aka site-[REDACTED]" but down on the description it says RPC-XXX-S it's a printer as well and now I'm confused about it :/
Fix that
was installed at Tokyo Head Quarters(THQ)
Wait, what?, if you're trying to make a site or area the format is "Site-###" or "Area-###", when you make a site/area you name it at the end, just put Site-### and it's ok, also replace the "###" with a number that wasn't selected before
Description: [Paragraphs explaining the description]
Same from above just a reminder
GOI-
GoI-
The instruction manual states that the RPC-XXX-S print will
The instruction manual states that RPC-XXX-S print will
no "the"
Final crit
Bro, I've seen what you did, it's a different version of my draft just making it instead of objects living creatures, you even copied my personal 📁 Access file 📁 format, I don't say you can't use it, just… You actually copied my draft thinking "because he haven't uploaded it yet I can take a part of it and make it mine"? Bro…
Nevermind, about the object, I'll say you the same they told to me: "It: Doesn't have a history, a machine that makes another machine or similar it's overused and not creative, if you're gonna write it you need to make a history for it to make it interesting" I'm actually working on mine so I'm trying to help you with that.
I would give it 7/10 but because it's a distorted copy of my draft I have to give it 5/10, make it do something original.
PD: I just noticed that you even copied the GoI I used (Amazing co.), bro just…
Make it do something original
DO NOT TAKE THIS AS A SIGN THAT YOUR ARTICLE IS READY TO BE POSTED.
Make it do something original
I know, printed thing will do something original if compare to Hectopia's one.
For TTPY: I used your crit
Object Class: Pending
Hazard Types: Pending
Is there a reason the RPC Authority hasn't assigned this anomaly an object class or labeled its hazard types yet? Nothing in the article suggested a reason why this didn't happen yet. Since they already have the printers, this information should be detailed in the article.
Tokyo Head Quarters(THQ)
I would suggest flipping the Footnote so that Site-8147 is stated in the text, and its colloquial name, Tokyo Head Quarters (THQ), is in the footnote. This helps make the article more clinical.
RPC-XXX-S was installed at Tokyo Head Quarters(THQ) as personal property and is currently only available to local personnel
Containment Protocols are written in the present tense. It should say "is installed"
All other RPC-XXX instances are stored in Site-876
Since RPC-XXX-A and B are the other two printer models, I think it's fine if you specify "RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B instances are stored in Site-876".
with keeping in the package if possible and can only be used for experimental purposes.
I think this should say "kept in their packaging when possible"
For the bullet-points, I would recommend you state what these bullet-points are before you start to list them. "Within the product manual for RPC-XXX are a list of instructions for general use that should be adhered to during experimentations."
I'm not familiar with how Amazing! Co. works as a GoI, so I won't review the instructions because I am not sure what the tone of their products is supposed to be, but there are some grammar errors there, so I would recommend getting another reviewer to look over those.
RPC-XXX is a "life printer" that was sold by the GoI "Amazing! Co." RPC-XXX is a generic term for the "generic name" of RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B. There are two types of RPC-XXX, RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B, and a special RPC-XXX-S,
These sentences can be joined-together for an easier read. "RPC-XXX is the designation for three "life printers" sold by the GoI "Amazing! Co.". This includes two standard models, RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B, and a special edition model labeled RPC-XXX-S."
and will work to the best of their ability to achieve their owner's instructions.
Rework this sentence to make it sound more clinical. "and will display obedience to the person who created them, following their commands."
thoughts, however and will become inanimate if their owners are deceased
Comma after "however". Change the last fragment to "will become inanimate should their owners become deceased."
As a result of being mistaken for a "live printer" and an attack on the manufacturer by a mass-produced printout, the sale of this product has been discontinued.
I am having trouble understanding what this sentence means. Rewrite this sentence.
EDIT: I think I know what it says now. Try rewriting it like this: "As a result of being mistaken for a 'live printer', and after an attack of the manufacturer by a mass-produced printout, the sale of RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B was discontinued."
What is the mass-produced printout? This is mentioned only once in the article and nothing more is said about it.
by setting both to the lowest value, it is possible to print reproduce the results achieved by RPC-XXX-B.
First, remove "print", so it just says "it is possible to reproduce the results."
Second, I'm not sure if this information is needed for the main article, perhaps put this in a footnote instead.
but their strength will not be degraded by sunlight until they are incapacitated, as stated in the instruction manual.
I did not see this on the list of instructions in the Containment Protocols. Also, I'm not sure if you are referring to the printers becoming incapacitated or the printed creatures. Incapacitated doesn't typically refer to inanimate objects.
Form3L, you can also print clear color objects by setting the special booster and Elements of Resin in the Formlabs Color Kit.
As someone who doesn't have any knowledge in 3D printing, adding some footnotes here would be very helpful in understanding what these things are. What is Form3L, what is Elements of Resin, and what is the Formlabs Color Kit?
The reason why ego and intelligence regulation is only available on RPC-XXX-S is because of the reason for the lottery sale entry that both prior assessments of ego and intellect regulation should be "bottom-line values" in It is implied that this is because it was.
This sentence is not written well and so I don't quite understand what was said here.
I think what you meant is that the reason ego and intelligence can't be raised on the A and B printers is because those models have a regulated minimum sapience value that can't be manipulated unless you get a model S printer.
RPC-XXX-S was the subject of a lottery sale
I am not sure how Amazing! Co. distributes their products in public, again because I am not familiar with that GoI, but I would like to know more about how this happened.
Was Amazing! Co. holding a public lottery for this anomalous printer? It says over 50,000 people applied, so that's the impression I got.
But if it was a public lottery, Amazing! Co. must have used a fake business name to avoid detection, because otherwise Director Ichika Akagi would have alerted the Authority, and the lottery would have been shut down for a potential breach of the veil.
Just add some more details about the lottery so that readers not familiar with Amazing! Co. can understand what happened better.
In your breakdown of the applicants, I am having a hard time understanding what the chat is saying. I think it's a breakdown of people who wanted the item, and what reason they wanted to win the lottery.
For one of the categories, Collection of Abnormalities, are these people who collect anomalies, or did you mean something more like antique collectors? Because I find it hard to believe people "behind the veil" would give that reason as to why they wanted the printer.
I'm also confused how the Authority got a hold of this data. Did they send out a survey afterwards to all the people who participated? That seems unrealistic. Maybe rework this so that the Authorty gets this data when they raid the RPC-XXX-S location.
The price was disclosed during the lottery sale of RPC-XXX-S. The price was disclosed during the lottery sale of RPC-XXX-S
Repeating phrase, remove the first sentence.
some of the mass-produced products were Some people mistook it for a Live Printer and bought it immediately
"some of the mass-produced RPC-XXX instances were sold as live printers, causing some retail consumers to mistakenly buy them."
On the same day, it was discovered that some Authority personnel had applied for the job because of the collection of unusual items, and they were pre-screened It turns out that they were dropped in.
Again, I don't know what this sentence is supposed to mean. Where were these people "dropped in" from?
Authority used RPC-XXX-S to print out the output for those locations and sent agents to the locations where the printouts were printed and retrieved.
How does this printer work? For a normal 3D printer, you would need a model for what you're trying to print beforehand. You don't just say, "print an apple" and an apple model comes out.
But the way this sentence sounds, it seems like you can do that, just tell the printer to print out maps to the printer factories, and it just knows what to do. That would drastically change the anomaly description for RPC-XXX-S, because it can do way more than what was said before.
EDIT: Okay, so the logs establish that a print was able to able to draw the Authority a map. A lot of my concerns are still valid regarding the way the anomaly is supposed to work.
Instruct the printout to write down the location of the purchased RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B.
Should say "Instructed" since the results are in the past-tense.
And the print said it couldn't do that, and he said,
First, should it not be RPC-XXX-SP?
Second, rewrite this as "and the print stated it couldn't do that, saying"
"Just print something that can do that, RPC-XXX-S can't randomly attach anomalies to it," he replied.
Many things are wrong here. Replace "he" with "it", as neither the prints nor the printers have a gender (or if they do, specify that in the article somewhere).
Second, how does the printer know what an anomaly is? How does it know how to speak English?
When I tried to bite into it, it screamed
That is horrifying, good job there putting that image in my head. Just rewrite this to be more clinical: "The researcher bit into RPC-XXX-BP, causing it to scream."
He replied.
"It replied."
Ace Book
Give a footnote to explain what this Ace Book is.
printed Ace Book wants to become a THQ director.
How did the print know what the Authority was, or its hierarchy?
OVERALL: There are a lot of issues within this draft that are holding back the potential for a cool RPC article. There are grammatical errors that should be corrected, but the primary issue is the anomaly, and its components, not being described coherently.
We know there are three Amazing! Co. model life printers that create printed sentient life, and sapient life with the S-model. Okay, that's interesting, but later on, you add a lot more details, like the actual printers being alive somehow, the prints and printers knowing about the Authority and knowing how to speak English without any established logic to justify this.
There is also some confusion over this lottery, and how exactly it worked, and how people who presumably do not know about anomalies would know about these life printers. There are never any ethical concerns raised, especially when the researcher bites into the apple print - where did common sense go here? I get if it was a CSD being commanded to do so, but a Researcher doing that breaks immersion.
You could add some more details about the anatomy of the prints, the internals of the printer and its operating code - these things would help to ground this anomaly in an understandable way. I would really recommend checking out this video to see a good example of an anomaly that based around 3D printing. I think if you learn from what that article did right, it will help you refine your idea.
Object Class: Pending
Hazard Types: Pending
Why are these not in the article? [なぜこれらが記事に含まれていないのか？なぜ含まれていないのか、理由は何も述べられていません。]
RPC-XXX-S was installed at Site-81471 as personal property and is currently only available to local personnel2.
"RPC-XXX-S is located at Site-81471"
Personal Property? Try "kept within a standard storage unit"
All of the entities in XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B are in the warehouse at Site - 876 to the extent possible. Stored in a package or in a box that can be used to block communications and is for experimental use only
"All RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B instances are located within a warehouse at Site-876, kept inside their original packaging when possible, which serves to block communications to the instances. Access to RPC-XXX instances is restricted to experimental use only."
The following is a brief description of RPC-XXX.
Remove this.
Precautions for RPC-XXX are listed on Site-8147 and below.3
"Precautions for using RPC-XXX are listed on location at Site-8174, and provided below."
Don't ever use it below level 2!
"Never use the product below Level 2."
If think it's too dangerous, order to stop!
"If you think it's too dangerous, command the printer to stop."
Avoid duplicating staff who are not affiliated with THQ!
Can the printers be used to print people? I would think the Authority would prevent anybody from doing this at all.
[ プリンターは人を印刷できるのか？権威者は全く誰もやらないようにするべきだと思います。]
The printed contents shall be recorded on the XXX-P, including the planned anomalies.
"Printed entities shall be designated RPC-XXX-P."
Printed materials of record must be given to the Research Department, which may be through the Superintendent.
"Records of printing tests must be submitted to a Research Department superintendent."
This line seems redundant. Only researchers can get to the printer anyway.
[これは冗長な気がする。どうせプリンターにたどり着くのは研究者だけ。]
If we find a violation, we'll punish it for sure! Owner of RPC-XXX-S
"Any unauthorized use of the printer will be met with disciplinary actions accordingly."
It's also a violation to have your printouts print something else at the source. THQ Director
"No RPC-XXX-Ps are allowed to utilize the parent RPC-XXX printer to create a secondary RPC-XXX-P instance. ~ THQ Director"
Since RPC-XXX outputs generally do not accept self-terminations, we need to command other RPC-XXX outputs to terminate them.
"RPC-XXX-P prints generally do not obey commands for self-terminations, but other RPC-XXX-P instances will obey commands to terminate another print."
sold by GoI
"sold by the GoI"
and a special edition model
"and a special edition model sold online"
Objects printed with RPC-XXX4 are sentient and intelligent and capable of handling the printer's instructions to the extent If you print with RPC-XXX-A or RPC-XXX-B, you can use the ego It does not have a life cycle and becomes incapacitated when the owner's vital signs are no longer present.
"Objects printed from RPC-XXX are sentient, intelligent, and capable of handling the printer's instructions. RPC-XXX-Prints do not display any form of life cycle, and will become incapacitated should the person who printed them pass away."
How does the Authority figure this out?
[権威者はどうやってこれを把握しているのでしょうか？]
Now, as a result of being mistaken for a "live printer" and the products of mass production raiding the manufacturer. Sales have been discontinued.
"Due to RPC-XXX-A and RPC-XXX-B instances being initially mistaken for RPC-XXX-S model printers, Authority raids on the manufacturing facility producing them have resulted in their discontinuation."
RPC-XXX-S is a special edition of RPC-XXX-B, which was sold online as a limited edition.
Remove this.
possible to print reproduces the results achieved by RPC-XXX-B.
"possible to reproduce results achieved by a RPC-XXX-B model."
Products of RPC-XXX-S, which has no ego, can talk to people other than the printer and listen to the instructions of a product of RPC-XXX-S, which is more intelligent and more self-aware than itself.
"RPC-XXX-P instances from the model S printer, even those printed with the lowest ego setting, display the capability to vocally communicate with people, and with the parent printer; itself displaying some form of artificial intelligence during these correspondences.
both optical molding methods
What does "optical molding methods" mean? Put a footnote here.
their strength will not be degraded by sunlight until they are incapacitated, as stated in the instruction manual.
Shouldn't this be included in the containment protocol?
[これは格納容器のプロトコルに記載すべきではないでしょうか？]
And since they are based on Form3L5, you can also print clear color objects by setting the special booster and Elements of Resin in the Formlabs Color Kit6.
"The RPC-XXX printers are based on Form3L architecture, capable of producing clear-colored objects by using the special booster and adjusting the Elements of Resin settings within the Formlabs Color Kit."
This information doesn't seem to matter for the rest of the article.
[この情報は記事の残りの部分には重要ではなさそうです。]
The reason why ego and intelligence regulation is only available on RPC-XXX-S is because of the reason for the lottery sale entry that both prior assessments of ego and intellect regulation should be "bottom-line values" in It is implied that this is because it was.
"The reason why ego and intelligence levels cannot be raised on the RPC-XXX-A/B printers is because those models have a "regulated sapience value" hard-coded into their artificial intelligence that can't be manipulated unless a model S printer is used."
Why didn't the director tell the authorities about the lottery for the anomalous printer?
[この抽選会の詳細はあまり知られていない。部長はなぜ異常な印刷機の抽選について当局に言わなかったのでしょうか？]
Why would all 50,000 people fill out a survey? That doesn't seem to be realistic.
[なぜ5万人全員がアンケートに答えるのか？それは現実的ではないようです。]
On the same day, it was discovered that some Authority personnel had applied for the job because of the collection of unusual items, and they were pre-screened It turns out that they were dropped in.
What does this mean?
[これは何を意味するのか？]
Ace Book
What is the "Ace Book"?
[エースブック」とは？]
In order to make this document coherently, Authority directed the ego printouts to rewrite it
Why would the Authority do this?
[なぜ当局がこんなことを？]
Frozen maker
I think this is a mistranslation. I don't know what "freezer maker" means.
これは誤訳だと思う。"冷凍メーカー "の意味がわからない。
According to THQ's director, you can't just write THQ as Site-8147. She hates being seen.
An Authority Director doesn't have the power to just change the clinical style of a document.
[院長にはできないだろう。]
Applecot
Who is this?
[誰だ？]
OVERALL:
If you can add details about the anatomy of the printout, the internals of the printer, the operating code, etc., you can make this anomaly easier to understand. The main problem, other than the grammar, is that the Authority should have done more testing on this anomaly.
[印刷物の解剖学、プリンタの内部、操作コードなどの詳細を追加していただければ、この異常を理解しやすくするのに役立ちます。文法以外の主な問題点は、当局がこの異常性についてもっとテストを行うべきだったということです。]
How did people who don't know about the anomaly know about these life printers in the first place? How was the lottery supposed to be conducted? Why didn't the Director tell the authorities? How does someone who doesn't know the anomaly know about this life printer?
[抽選はどうやって行われることになっていたのか？院長はなぜ当局に言わなかったのか？アノマリーを知らない人がどうやってこのライフプリンターのことを知っているのか？]
Hope this helps and that the translations are accurate.
[これが助けになり、翻訳が正確であることを願っています。]
I've critted this before so I'll make this a bit brief.
The grammar and tone are still a little bit too broken. This severely limits my enjoyment of this article and made it unnecessarily hard to finish it. At it's current state, the anomaly is not described coherently.
As RealAmerican said, "We know there are three Amazing! Co. model life printers that create printed sentient life, and sapient life with the S-model. Okay, that's interesting, but later on, you add a lot more details, like the actual printers being alive somehow, the prints and printers knowing about the Authority and knowing how to speak English without any established logic to justify this."
I suggest just sticking to giving it a good narrative, which you kind of exhibit with the apple being eaten. I think it's best to expand on the printed objects expanded upon.
Overall, I don't think this is ready yet.
My apologies everyone, I've lost interest and everyone can remake this.
/forum/t-13427609/amazing-co-life-printer#post-