Tale about a KK bat girl who wants to be a superhero
Just read it.
Tale about a KK bat girl who wants to be a superhero
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» Tale about a KK bat girl who wants to be a superhero
Some great writing, but some arid typos here and there nearing the end…
"You will tell me you secrets."
"You will tell me your secrets."
That's all i could find. Weirdly I remember seeing many more but upon skimming over it again, they're missing. Maybe a more in-depth search will show them
Honestly, this is pretty much a masterpiece. Probably the best story you have made yet, and I fell honored you included my character in something like this. Great characters, perfect story progression, and not to mention the aesthetics.
Great job
Rows of black tires like caterpillars churned the mud.
Rows of black, caterpillar-like tires churned the mud.
She tugged at her frizzy hair. "Am I the badguy…?"
She tugged at her frizzy hair. "Am I the bad guy…?"
Nah, Kitti, you're not the badguy! Why would anyone be friends with the badguy?
Nah, Kitti, you're not the bad guy! Why would anyone be friends with the bad guy?
Popping was what he did best, hence the name.
Popping up was what he did best, hence the name.
you are technically just meat.
it is technically just meat.
sun was very bad.
Sun was very bad.
and for god's sake don't let her
and for God's sake don't let her
"I'll take a chance on you
"I'll take a chance with (?) you (unsure what you wanted to say here)
Sam, am I a alien?” she curiously
Sam, am I an alien?”, she curiously
s'a story, Kitti.
sa’ story, Kitti. (sad —→ sa’ ?)
"Miss Alitza needs your help with the rigging," Ivan said
Ivan comes in out of nowhere. Addin a short sentence of him walking over will fix this.
"…no,"
"… No,"
"It would be most poetic, for you to meet the same end. Given, your past indulgences…"
"It would be most poetic, for you to meet the same end, would it not?” (Better not to repeat “Given your past indulgences”)
"Bu'why
"Bu' why
Not on earth, and certainly not in hell.
Not on Earth, and certainly not in Hell.
"Let's get started, then," Trapper sighed, motioning for the two men to follow him.
Trapper also comes out of nowhere. Mentioning him standing near the two other men might be a good idea.
"AGHH, GET OFF ME YOU BITCH!"
It feels out of character for the Fleshmancer to say something like this. He would say something more along the lines of “DO YOU TRULY LONG THAT MUCH FOR DEATH?!”, or “A MAN’S CREATION DOES NOT TURN AGAINST HIM!”
Anything without swearing, really.
"You are my creation…"
This one is not bolded, as well as the above one.
Do you no think
not think
Hands down, this may be one of the greatest tales I have ever had the pleasure of reading on this site. I cannot find any issues with this at all. People may complain about its length but I found myself able to get through all of it and not feel bored once. This story just wouldn't work if it was chopped up in to multiple tales. Absolutely amazing 5/5
Unfold
Re: Tale about a KK bat girl who wants to be a superhero by 
Prototype_Toaster, 15 Aug 2020 21:00
when the creature come right at me
came
Why would anyone be friends with the badguy
bad guy (seeing as the rest of the sentences all used "bad guy")
went the the rough canvas against her appendages.
repeated "the"
tattooed arms crossed over his hariy chest
hairy
Kitti dropped the heavy dumbell
dumbbell
she soars and twirls above a perilous pits
pit
Some slight of hand
sleight of hand
The canon sounded
cannon
shut her eyes tight and and curled into a little ball
repeated "and"
Everything before that a was meaningless cloud of protean nothingness.
was a
the two men in silhouetted against the pale rays
silhouettes
Makeup run off from rain and sweat
ran off
Gots to wonder'f ya forgot anything else he did.
Got
possession is nine tenths of the law
nine-tenths
and is heartbeat wasn't there anymore
his
This tale is just phenominal. Like when I used to read stories that I wouldn't completely understand. And I definitely have to read it for another few times. Reading it again and I can even found the foreshadowing to the final confrontation with the hot dog man, that's a definite sign of how much thought went into the planning of the tale, that is unquestionable.
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