Sandbox Draft of Acidic Water Pipe
All critiques will be very helpful thanks!
Hello Negative-1! Let's get to critting your draft.
Hazards
As far as I know, Newtonian Hazard is not an official Hazard in the RPC Authority
Little note, the RPC Authority uses Containment Protocols, not Containment Procedures
Containment Protocols
As far as Containment Protocols I really have no problem with the protocols.
Description
Here is my opinion on the concept. I think it is a solid idea and I think you have thought this out for a while. This, in my opinion, is honestly a good RPC
Conclusion
Again I think this is a good idea for an RPC and a good article but I am going to give this concept a 4/5. I give it this rating because I was interested enough to read the whole article but I think you could do more with this like adding an addendum or 2, but remember that is just an option, you don't need to do it. Also, I want to point out the fact that you added a discovery log. I think all RPC articles should have a discovery log as long as it is possible to add one. To me, it makes an article better and gives us a better understanding of how the Authority found this anomaly. I recommend you also have at least 2 or more people to critique this article to make sure this will be able to survive on the main site. Other than that, good luck with your article and have a good day.
Harold K Caztovski
I will update the article immediately. Thanks for the feedback, and I am glad you found it interesting.
Alright, well this draft needs to be developed more. The concept here is interesting, but it doesn't really go anywhere, the article just describes what the anomaly is but nothing else. For example, I was wondering what the liquid is: Is it normal water that's deadly for some reason? Is it a liquid that deceptively resembles water but isn't? Where does this pipe lead? Where is this liquid coming from?
Out of curiosity, I took a look at the older thread you made and I saw some ideas there that I think you should add back to this draft.
Further investigation brought the Authority to believe the water pipe's water was contaminated. The water in which the pipe was connected to was perfectly fine, no traces of chemicals, pollutants, or even biological hazzards
An old water pipe that is made of some old PVCU just shot water out of itself at nearly 13 miles per hour, and it wasn't even connected to a water supply. "
"Strange, the liquid does nothing to the pencil."
I don't know why you removed these because they're interesting facts that makes the RPC more mysterious and give a sense of horror to the article. I think you should work through the logic of how this object works, what purpose it was made for, and why it was located in the desert. Once those questions are answered, it should be much easier to build on the story then.
Hazzard Types
You misspelled Hazard
PVCU
What is this?
of RPC-XXX's water
I would say "the water of RPC-XXX"
from RPC-XXX
We already know where RPC-A is from.
and once the fluid makes contact with the skin. The subject's skin
Should be a comma instead of a period.
will begin to become corroded along
This phrasing could be rewritten to be more clear. "will begin to corrode, along"
After corrosion begins not long after,
I would change this to "Immediately afterwards," or something like that.
die. Slowly
"die, slowly"
they are effectively KIA. No amount
Killed In Action? I would replace this with "they will expire; no amount"
anyone who tries to grab the affected individual or biological lifeform while this occurs will suffer the same fate.
How does that work exactly? What if the other person is wearing personal protective equipment when they grab the individual?
Any organic being that makes physical contact with RPC-XXX excluding the plank that it is attached to will feel compelled to drink the fluids that it produces (designated RPC-XXX-A).
Currently, there are no means of preventing an RPC-XXX-A infection, as all treatments thus far have failed, including amputation of the limbs.
Okay, so these last two paragraphs are pretty much just better-written versions of the second paragraph, so maybe just remove the second paragraph altogether.
Additionally, the skin of the deceased individuals was decaying at a rate faster than normal.
You did not specify this in the Description that the decaying rate is faster than its supposed to be. Make sure to add it if you are keeping this ability.