RPC Authority

Line by liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine- go.

• "Located in" is redundant.
• "Missions are to be granted" sub in "approved" in both cases.
• I would say "personnel" instead of clearance, because the concept of clearance cannot approve a mission, but a person can.
• "Space themed" should have a hyphen
• "Discoverd" typo
• " anywhere between the Milky Way Galaxy or past the observable universe." you've already established it opens anywhere in the universe, so maybe "This has in the past included locations within the Milky Way and other observable galaxies, but also locations beyond the edge of the observable universe."
• "an proximity hazard" should be "a"
• If you use an acronym for EMU, use it everywhere, including in the photo caption. More consistent that way.
• "astronomy related" should have a hyphen
• "Test 2.A show" shows should be plural, also generally use hyphens instead of periods in test names
• " subject would be " should be "subject is"
• We know a lot about wormholes- is this a stable wormhole? Does it emit radiation of some kind? Do your research here.
• "Locations could be anywhere between Saturn or pass the observable universe. " this sentence is redundant, you already established this earlier. Maybe simplify it to "The nearest point to which a subject was transported was beyond the orbit of Jupiter."?
• "will experience lung implosion and the boiling of skin" Scientifically incorrect. Research death by space exposure.
• "but the subject would still maintain some forms of consciousness." explain this. It's pretty fucking important that they remain conscious, but to what degree?
• "involved a total of 6 local police officers missing" Awkward phrasing. Maybe try "A missing-child case in which six local police officers disappeared after entering RPC-XXX-2"
• You can't apprehend a house. Maybe try "purchased" or "expropriated"
• Did they not dose the family with amnestics or interview them at all? Seems like they'd be key witnesses to this thing starting up.
• " a small journal would exit RPC-XXXX" Tense confusion. Should be "exited"
• You end a sentence with 'examination' then immediately start the next sentence with the same word and it reads awkwardly. Pick better words.
• You keep on using would. Put it all in past tense, it reads very strangely.
• Why don't you quote from the journal? That seems pretty damned important to the story of this thing.
• Exploration Log: Still using the future imperfect. Past tense, man. Past tense.
• "Star struck" is one word and inappropriate tone. Maybe "Seemed to be in awe?"
• "its truly beautiful" should be "it's" because you're saying that it is beautiful
• ""Yes well, what do you see currently." Needs a comma after yes, and a question mark
• "Its the Galactic Core" doesn't need to be capitalized, and it's 'it's' again
• "blueish color" should be "blueish-coloured"
• "far closer than seen on Earth." correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the core of the galaxy pretty much impossible to spot from earth with visual light?
• "I cannot do that, the black hole it calls me, wanting me to come closer." Run-on sentence. Put a period after 'that'
• D-1414 you are to return back to Earth in 20 minutes now." Is the researcher saying the D-class is to return in 20 minutes right now, or that now they are to return in 20 minutes? This sentence doesn't parse well.
• "any calls of returning to earth" awkward phrasing. "D-1414 ignored orders from testing personnel calling for him to return to Earth."
• Starting a sentence with a number like "20 minutes" is generally considered grammatically incorrect.
• Don't end your logs with ellipses.
• " idmeadiatly " typo, should be 'immediately'
• " an obsessive behavior" delete 'an'
• "Astronomy related" should be hyphenated
• "RPC-XXXX would be locked for the 2 days." awkward repetition here. Maybe "during which time RPC-XXXX remained locked."
• "never ending" is all one word
• "talk towards the camera" You talk at a camera, not towards it
• Was the researcher in the room with the D-class? Talking over a radio? Specify this.
• "he wants me to join him and explore the cosmos together."" grammatically incorrect. "He wants me to join him and we'll explore the cosmos together" maybe?
• "Come with me, too the cosmos" If this whole sentence is someone quoting someone else, it should be in doubled "' '" quotation marks. Also, to instead of too.
• How do you wander around a room while trying to kick open a closet? Also, how do you kick open a closet? Wouldn't you kick down the doors?
• "D-6463 would spend" Just say spent, again with the future imperfect weirdness
• " "Why, why can I not join him." this is a question not a statement

Thank you for the criticisms, the tense I believe is fixed and all grammar errors are fixed.