My criticism:
-awkward wording choices are present throughout the article
-the whole RPC is just "a thing that does a thing", with the limited attempt at expanding the "lore" in the singular addendum not achieving much (I am not saying that this is bad, just that when your RPC is an object that performs a certain action, more LORE, TESTING and INCIDENTS are required to make it interesting).
-translated text in the addendum is just sitting there rather than placed in a quotation or a quote block.
Recent Forum Posts
Some good ideas here, the article does need a bit more meat on it. I think I’ll add more test logs like you mentioned. Thanks for the criticism.
Uma Prassad: Agree
edit: red soy in the base
Someone set us up the bomb
This is the best article on the site.
1 star.
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/episode-1
FalsTV episode 1, big credits to my totally not cultist generic studio worker for the concept, and Golden Storm for helping with the script.
Please post any criticisms you may have, and also your thoughts.
THANK YOU so much
Actually , I have contacted coupon. He edited it now and he's reading it more
The concept itself is an interesting one, however the execution is subpar at best. The coding is all over the place, and the grammar is in need of review. Also, I think we can do without the borderline lewd images, in my opinion. I advise contacting coupon to help assist in bringing this article to its fullest potential.
Also I agree with the previous replier in that the article needs more material. Maybe mention what happens when you give it to animals. Maybe put an extremely high dose to a human greater than mentioned and have an extremely anomalous effect. Maybe have a details of discovery noting how several fishermen were reported to be extremely intelligent and reading books and such
I'm a newbie too, but from an isolated point of view , I love your article.
The whole concept is really cool. I expected talking fish. You gave me salmon oil which makes you smart. Not sure why so much containment procedures.
Maybe it's my taste but it's a little bit short. You gave us a lot of curiosity by telling what happens when you overdose but the experiment logs are neither clear or interestingly mysterious enough as the article can be. Maybe you should add more experiment logs or revise the existing ones to revealing more information
oh yeah yeah
What the fuck
oh yeah yeah
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » SCP-XXX Lust makes the world go round
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/scp-506
There we go
Hey, thanks for your criticism.
I’m after applying your grammar criticism, and have removed the second addendum about the auto-feeder.
I’ve added some negative effects to the RPC, and I personally think that has after improving the article greatly so thanks for that.
I’m after adding some test logs based on your idea too, so thanks again. I’m proud of how this is turning out so far.
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » SCP-XXX Lust makes the world go round
I don’t think the colours are necessary, like in the hazards section. It doesn’t really mix well with other articles. The image used could be shrunk down a little, that can be done by simply decreasing the resolution. There are plenty of websites that can do that.
Make sure you remove any spaces that shouldn’t be there, like RPC- XXX should really be RPC-XXX. Or another example is the way you use brackets. ( Windows 10 ) should be (Windows 10).
“There is also a possibility that it can change it's onscreen appearance”
Should be “There is also a possibility that it can change its onscreen appearance”
“A research of the computer network was done after test 5”
Should be “A study/test on the computer network was done after test 5”
“All CSD who were exposed to video”
Should be “All CSD who were exposed to the video”
There’s quite a bit of double spacing in some areas, just make sure you filter that out.
“Relevant personell will be assigned to search for”
“personell” should be personnel.
I find the rest of the article to be humorous, like the interview for example. But I think you need to tone it down just a bit. If this RPC was to be uploaded it would be memed into oblivion in its current state.
I did correct some of your grammar mistakes, but there is probably some I’ve missed. I recommend putting your whole article into a grammar checker or something along the lines of that to make correcting things more efficient for you.
This is my criticism, but make sure you get more people to comment on your work. Overall it’s an interesting idea, and to be honest it’s the kind of idea that was bound to happen so I’m not surprised by this. Just apply some of my grammar criticisms, and make sure you get people to review the story itself. That area isn’t my strong suit.
(You should link your sandbox article here instead of copy pasting it in future)
I'm intrigued butt…..
I'm a new writer and haven't even published an RPC but even from this stand point I think you should post the idea in another thread with its conclusion. Otherwise it's hard to critique even for others. Apart from that , it's nice tho RPC- 512-A should be RPC- 512- 2 as it is the second entity in this article. I like the article and it's story, intriguing, but you should read a few more RPCs to write in clinical tone. You have an option to blank out parts of the kids name, which will make it more clinical. Rarely will an authority doctor expose identities like that
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » {{ NEW }} and {{ IMPROVED }} Moth Girl
The articles kinda boring ngl. both tqhe main story and the KK logs are things that exist and that’s all I can say about them. Literally like all of her traits are like “she has this but not really lol” the moth’s girls character arc is just “hey I’m fat” “time to diet” “ok”. The whole high security doesn’t make any sense, like why would only site director level staff that are specifically assigned to this anomaly be allowed to see it. Finally the format break doesn’t really work and just feels like you’re trying to use CSS to make a boring article interesting.
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » Mainlist with bonus tale attached
“it’s seems to be the light itself.”
Should be “it seems to be the light itself.”
“With men and women carved into it at ever corner”
Should be “With men and women carved into it at every corner”
Other than the minor grammar mistakes, I found the article to be very intriguing. CSD-2628’s dream interested me the most, that was some good writing. Take all the previous criticism into account and you have yourself a very nice RPC. Having some sort of an image of the statue itself, or maybe the amazing co cardboard box could improve the article but as always it’s not necessary. Good work!
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » SCP-XXX Lust makes the world go round
Q213
Registered Phenomena Code: RPC-506
[[include component:image-block
name=http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/local--files/scp-506/KEVINSFOLLY|
align=center|
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/scp-506
CLICK THIS
God bless you
Object Class: Alpha Gamma White Orange Purple.
Hazard Types:
nonhazard psychotronichazard, sentient hazard. ,mechanical hazard, visual hazard., mind control hazard
Object Class: Alpha Gamma White Orange Purple.
Hazard Types:
nonhazard psychotronichazard ,sentient hazard,mechanical hazard, visual hazard, mind control hazard.
Containment Protocols: RPC-506 must be contained in the local computer system in Site dehiwala-12. Under no circumstances may it be copied on to a pen drive or shared over to other computer networks via external or by means of the internet. All instances made in this way are to be tracked down and extracted accordingly. RPC-506 must be given one interview per day. RPC- [REDACTED], due to resistance to any memetic effect and intelligent nature, is allowed to contact RPC -506 for a limited amount of time as per Dr. Devdun's suggestion.
Description: RPC -506 is an AI (see footnote) which appears as an exact visual replica of acclaimed American adult film star "Karma Rx". It appears as a curvaceous blonde Caucasian female with blue eyes and with signs to suggest extensive breast surgery and typical black lingerie and choker. Skin has several tattoos across back , neck and arms which may vary in colour, shape and size upon viewing.
RPC- 506 can move across the screen as a normal human would and can influence the focus of the "camera" on it, depending on the programme it is running on at the moment. Its appearance may also change according to the programme it is currently running on. The programmes it can infect are and are not limited to:
- Microsoft video player (windows 9 to 10)
- Microsoft media player (windows 10)
- Internet explorer (windows 10)
- Google Chrome (any platform)
- [REDACTED] (windows 10, [REDACTED] entertainment)
- Unity web player (any platform)
- Micrlsoft paint (windows 10)
- Microsoft word( windows 10)
- Microsoft excel ( windows 10)
- Authority [REDACTED] [DATA EXPUNGED]
RPC-506 is capable of communicating with the viewer via the computer's speakers. The programme is fully sentient, but seemingly with an erotic prime directive which it blames on its programming. This makes the A.I susceptible to coersion to perform lewd acts as one would expect from its real life counterpart. It however can refuse suggestions, as evidenced from experiment logs. There is also a possibility that it can change it's onscreen appearance but has not yet been evidenced.
Details of recovery-
As per junior researcher Kevin's report the RPC was found in a civilian house in [REDACTED], colombo, Sri Lanka, belonging to a mister James [REDACTED], on 12/03/2018
Details of recovery unknown, see Addendum 2
“aerator, natural gravel and optionally fish tank decorations.”
aerator, and natural gravel. Then In a footnote say that they can add the decorations if they want. “Researchers have permission to add decorations to the tank if they wish” or something similar.
“using steel preferably,”
Preferably using steel
“experience little difference in comparison with the highest recorded being 150.”
experience little change in comparison with the highest recorded being 150.
“Addendum: RPC-XXX’s fish tank has been installed with an auto-feeder, making weekly entry into RPC-XXX’s containment chamber unnecessary. However, the auto-feeder itself must be refilled every month.”
Doesn’t add anything could’ve been an auto feeder from the start. On a side note what happens if you drink it twice?
The grammar is good and the article is well read but the problem is the article itself. It’s a bit boring for a couple of reasons. Firstly it’s only the bare minimum it’s fine if you want to make a short article(I actually like short articles more then larger ones) but with a concept like this you can easily make an interview or test log maybe with a retard getting smart and speaking to a researcher about how he sees himself from the past now that he has intelligence? More importantly you really need to expand on the idea because at the moment it’s just “fish turn people smart” with really nothing to it. Maybe add side effects or make it inconsistent? And honestly this thing seems way to useful, a fish that turns you smart with no fuss or harm. Honestly I just noticed this whole thing is the bare minimum.
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/takyon
This is my first rpc article, so please offer your criticisms on anything that could be changed/improved on.
