Recent Forum Posts
From categories:
page »

These civilians are drafted via anonymous messaging boards via special instructions through deciphering puzzles and codes.

This sentence is a tad confusing, consider:

These civilians are drafted via anonymous messaging boards, where they are given special instructions and asked to decipher puzzles and codes.

The main body of Site-015. Dedicated to replicating the cause and effects by anomalies that best benefit the advancement of the Division's research equipment, the understanding of new scientific (or otherwise abnormal) findings, and a providing positive influence on civilian technologies without threatening normalcy.

They are the primary motivators behind Site-015's prioritized goals.

I would remove this and put it in the first sentence, just to make it more clear. So:

The main body of Site-015, and he primary motivators behind Site-015's prioritized goals.

Since the containment of RPC-301, researchers attempt to understand both the infinite potential and limited boundaries of abnormal patterns that break against established scientific norms such theoretical and quantum physics.

This looks like a really good addition to the Site list, I have no real complaints on my end other than what I've stated. It seems realistic and like a decent location for several anomalies and/or tales. Good job on the improvements.

Re: Site-015 draft by ICFDICFD, 17 Feb 2019 00:49

I just ate a child

How do I set a forum signature?

On the notable work you could elaborate with providing a few fictional examples, using either redactions to not disclose full locations, or providing coordinates or other ways to keep this information from being fully disclosed. You could also provide some other notable works besides the designing of prisons, perhaps he could have designed some other things that would be of interest for the containment division, such as humanoid RPC containment wings referencing some of the current sites we have. In my opinion, that would add some more to the notable work and link him more to the Authority and would back up what you state later on his work experience as an Authority Senior Engineer.

A notable example of this reputation can be found in the many nicknames given to Dr. Isaac by lower clearance staff members, with names such as "Dr. Killjoy" being one of the more professionally acceptable examples. Frederick is well aware of these nicknames and has responded with, quote: "I don't give a damn." whenever they are brought to his attention.

The sentence delving into the examples of these nicknames is unnecessary in my opinion, the previous information helps establish the character, no need to delve into further details like these in my opinion. Doesn't add much and would be perceived as self inserty for some readers. I could say the same about the quote, I suggest you reword that part to:

Frederick is well aware of these nicknames, and has responded with apparent disinterest whenever these matters are brought to his attention.

Another thing I noticed, is that throughout the document you have referred to him only by Dr. Isaac, why go for first name basis for this sole instance?

advice regarding containment procedures

I noticed you mentioned this, perhaps an example of these could also be cited on his notable works?

begrudging respect

Not a particular issue with this, but being cold and harsh I would assume he would fit quite well with the ASF personnel and be respected as a senior member of the division.

My last recommendation would be perhaps add a brief section detailing any awards this person has received during their time at the Authority. It would add some more background for a respected high rank member.

Re: Personnel Draft: Dr. Isaac by HyzeHyze, 17 Feb 2019 00:08
JimmyBoyHahaJimmyBoyHaha 16 Feb 2019 23:59
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-312

Hmm. It's written well, but at the end of the day it's just another bland thing-that-kills-you article. The end bit feels just a bit tacked-on, and just added to make it supposedly more interesting. +2

by JimmyBoyHahaJimmyBoyHaha, 16 Feb 2019 23:59
QuaraQuara 16 Feb 2019 23:39
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » RPC-173 Do hope I am posting this to the right place. Just tell me what needs to be fixed m

RPC-173 by QuaraQuara, 16 Feb 2019 23:39
Re: RPC-653
LirkanLirkan 16 Feb 2019 21:34
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » RPC-653

Not sure if your gonna see this, but at the end, in the recovery logs, it mentions that the Authority was directly contacted by the staff at a university? I feel you should tweak to something more along the lines of "Authority Agents in the area were alerted to a disturbance at [Insert School Name] where RPC-653 was then contained". Or something, hope this helps.

Re: RPC-653 by LirkanLirkan, 16 Feb 2019 21:34

It is very much alive, you will find most of the community interaction happens on the discord though.

ThermicLineThermicLine 16 Feb 2019 19:32
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-115

I'm honestly not all that impressed with the way it was written, due to the fact that it blatantly states it starts conflicts instead of stating it is capable of convincing others and then it being stated that it has the intentions of causing conflicts. That a 2 star from me.

by ThermicLineThermicLine, 16 Feb 2019 19:32
VizloxVizlox 16 Feb 2019 15:09
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-364

Probably my favorite article. 5 stars

How do I set a forum signature?

by VizloxVizlox, 16 Feb 2019 15:09

You’re a format screw

How do I set a forum signature?

Re: Falls a bit flat by VizloxVizlox, 16 Feb 2019 15:08

Just so you know, you aren't going to get critique for your drafts here, since this is just a brainstorming channel. If critique is what you're going for, then I suggest that you move to the Drafts forum section.

Re: 3rd draft by JerryJohnJerryJohn, 16 Feb 2019 12:50
JimmyBoyHahaJimmyBoyHaha 16 Feb 2019 09:55
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-004


by JimmyBoyHahaJimmyBoyHaha, 16 Feb 2019 09:55
Glowstick Nick by InconsitentArtInconsitentArt, 16 Feb 2019 08:39

I'm usually a fan of format screws but this is too much. 1 star.

Falls a bit flat by Dr VaughnDr Vaughn, 16 Feb 2019 07:49
Dr Lobster EmperorDr Lobster Emperor 16 Feb 2019 07:18
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » AEP-006

The photoshopped flag looks really, really bad to be honest.

(V) (;,,;) (V)

by Dr Lobster EmperorDr Lobster Emperor, 16 Feb 2019 07:18
JimmyBoyHahaJimmyBoyHaha 16 Feb 2019 05:55
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-202

Man, I love the main vibe/aesthetic of this. +5

by JimmyBoyHahaJimmyBoyHaha, 16 Feb 2019 05:55
google_chromegoogle_chrome 16 Feb 2019 05:41
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-384

this was definitely worth the wait, well done 5 stars

by google_chromegoogle_chrome, 16 Feb 2019 05:41
google_chromegoogle_chrome 16 Feb 2019 05:24
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-955

pretty good. 4 stars

by google_chromegoogle_chrome, 16 Feb 2019 05:24
3rd draft by IplayTechdeathmetalIplayTechdeathmetal, 16 Feb 2019 03:51

Containment Protocols

via a remote

Replace for "via remote control."


far superior to anything designed on Earth

Reword to: far superior to current technology designed on Earth.

which are advance



I think this section could use another entry besides the interview log, maybe a few testing logs with the rover being exposed to increasingly difficult tasks such as navigating a maze, an obstacle course or performing basic activities.

Most of the corrections exposed by moist breadmoist bread were already fixed so I can't find much to point out. I really hope you consider adding a testing log, to shed more light on the capabilities of the rover or even provide some more background to the narrative. I like this article, not all entries need to be nightmarish eldritch horrors or weapons to be used by Protection division.

Re: The friendly rover by HyzeHyze, 16 Feb 2019 02:26
page »
Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License