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H F DummieH F Dummie 05 Jul 2020 04:45
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-605

This article seems to lack clinical style, and ties in with a Goi unnecessarily at the end. The idea is interesting though.

2 now.

by H F DummieH F Dummie, 05 Jul 2020 04:45

After many many weeks of work, my main entry for the Cair Aisling event is finally done!!!
This article is a two-parter. The first half is a stand-alone you can read on its own, at the very bottom of it you will find a hidden collapsible that will redirect you to the second half of the article. In the second half, you will find a deeper story surrounding the circumstances of Cair Aisling, The infoplane, and the GD; there is also another collapsible hidden at the bottom.
The first collapsible I took from RPC-438 and RPC-131 as those were an inspiration for this article. I changed the presentation so it could fit my personal tastes.
The collapsible inside a collapsible I took from somewhere from the SCP site (their admins might be p*dos but they do come up with cool stuff when they're not being degenerates). PLZ CRIT.
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/fairydust

Ever thought on expanding the lore on the twin crowns?

The Twin Crowns by DrXOUBLE DDrXOUBLE D, 04 Jul 2020 23:10
ExcerExcer 04 Jul 2020 22:57
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » Excer-Cair Aisling-5

Well judging by the shape of the item, a look at other items similar to it, looking at what is said underneath the picture and taking in other factors, I believe it to be a sword.

If it's about the art style, forgive me for not creating something spectacular.

by ExcerExcer, 04 Jul 2020 22:57

Made some changes based on your suggestions.
As for the teleportation hazard, it teleports people from baseline reality and into another world. I think it meets the teleportation hazard requirements.
In regards to the fan fic bits, YES. I purposely made them structured in that matter.
Thanks for the feedback.

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/almadraft2

Thanks for reading! I'm particularly worried this might end up being somewhat boring or uninteresting, so any suggestions towards making it more enjoyable would be appreciated.

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/almadraft3

Appreciate any suggestions, especially for clinical tone. I struggled a lot with this one.

Thanks beforehand!

What the fuck is this

by TheGreatTarbolin69TheGreatTarbolin69, 04 Jul 2020 20:39

Question: How is this a teleportation hazard? I understand it being extra-dimensional but wouldn't that also cover the premise of it being able to forcefully move individuals into Cair Aisling? It doesn't deter from the article, in fact I thoroughly enjoyed it. It just stood out to me.

That aside, here are some changes I would advise:

…a type of rare metal that can only be obtained from meteorites

Personally I would use "rare alloy" in place of "rare metal" because it sounds more scientific. Clinical tone is the corner stone of any article.

…transporting victims into the pocket-reality

This may be me nitpicking but I'd prefer the usage of "Randolph Gowering's fictional realm" as opposed to "pocket-reality"

My other qualm is in regards to the fan fiction vignettes. Some portions feel off, as if written by an amateur but I can only assume this was done intentionally to keep with common stereotypes regularly seen within the fanfiction community.


- Haruka <3

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/progression-page-vii

Special thanks to PhoenixOfHopePhoenixOfHope for remaking OCEACOM's QRF.


"Curiosity Always Defines Reasoning"

Here we go!

I will skip through the grammar and tone as this is not an official Authority RPC article. I will however, ask why this needs to be of note to the Authority.

Fictional alt-hist books have existed and always will. Given that World War Z doesn't immediately make us go "oh GAWD SCP-008 has breached containment", I think more has to be explained as to why the Authority cares about this particular book.

I suggest giving it somewhat "prophetic" qualities as SCP-095 does. Make the Authority be more fearful of what it can do and what it implies.

Disclaimer: This is an overall conceptual critique, not necessarily a line-by-line breakdown.

I hope my critique is able to help you figure out what isn't quite working in the current draft. The premise of a secret underground facility by an unknown group could be a solid article if a couple things get corrected and reworked. As to your questions, the pacing seemed fine, but the ending I don't think was foreshadowed very well.

My first impressions after reading through the draft were not positive. The central anomaly was not presented in a satisfying way, often due to poor dialogue or leaps of logic in the narrative. I would first recommend working through the logic of the anomaly: how it functions, why it exists, and what are the consequences from it. Once that logic is established, the story that comes from exploring it will be a lot more clear and satisfying.

"I have no idea exactly why we're doing this. However, given that it seems to work I'm not questioning it. -Dr. Kenneth" This whole line summarizes a lot of my problems with the article, not a lot of things make sense in how the Authority or the anomaly are functioning. I would recommend perhaps taking a look at this article for a story that had a similar big exploration, and also this video from iRobot for an example of a good hologram depiction.

Hazard Types:

Fill this blank.

► RPC:/194/requests/jun_83.log ◄
► Access RPC:/194/explorationlogs/220683.pdf ◄

Needs 1 enter between these collapsible.

5/194 CREDENTIALS REQUIRED:" hide=5/194 CREDENTIALS CONFIRMED. WELCOME.

Needs to be fixed, as insert " at next of "hide=".


3 hours from command's perspective.

Can you have "the" before "command's perspective"?

Herr ok.

Wong ok.

Valle ok.

Central ok.

Are Valle and Central names? I wonder if "," is there…

has proven effective on countering this effect.

effective in?

If 194 is capable of doing temporal fuckery to it's surroundings, does that mean you guys are also affected by temporal fuckery?

Yes.

"it's" can change to "its"

Are we also getting temporal fuckery from you guys.

Yeah.

Isn't that dangerous?

"guys." is different here. You mean, "guys?"

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/dummie-s-sandbox-of-infinite-wonders

6.3k words. Beware before entering. Hopefully all are riveting.

The format is incomplete and will be fixed soon. Will also add pics soon.

Questions:
Is the pacing ok? What was rushed or bogged down?
Was the "twist" good and foreshadowed?

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