RPC-145

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Registered Phenomena Code: 145

Object Class: Gamma-Orange

Hazards: Sapient Hazard, Transmutation Hazard, Anti-physical hazard, Tychokinetic Hazard

Containment Protocols: RPC-145 is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment facility. Setups or items that could potentially lead to setups for situations that could possibly be considered "humorous" are to be avoided in the vicinity of RPC-145. These include:

  • Double entendres
  • "Comedic" foods, such as bananas or pies
  • Phrases that correspond with a humorous outcome, such as "It sure is boring around here!" or "What could possibly go wrong?"
  • Any item that squeaks
  • Unusual clothing
  • Anyone with an accent that deviates from standard American or British

RPC-145 is to be kept in an enraged or serious state of mind by personnel. This prevents its anomalous abilities from being usable, though it still keeps its regenerative qualities. A lack of general human attention usually qualifies for this, as RPC-145 seems to have a focus on receiving attention.

RPC-145 is not to be engaged by multiple personnel at once, as it will use a large, comically oversized hammer to fight back with deadly precision. The most optimal method discovered is to have one personnel use sleeping gas on RPC-145, as it seems to have no resistance to the chemical.

Description: RPC-145 is a 1.3-meter tall humanoid with a large nose, circular eyes, and drooping ears. It wears a colorful suit, a monocle, and a top hat. RPC-145 possesses minor reality-warping powers that share similarities with animated cartoon tropes. RPC-145 seems to use these powers for its own amusement but does not have any inherently malicious intent.

RPC-145 is extremely durable. Over the years of its containment at site-██, it has managed to get itself crushed, burned alive, shot in the face, stabbed, electrocuted, dismembered, and poisoned, and has made an almost instantaneous recovery when unobserved. RPC-145 has almost no aversion to danger, only looking at the closest RPC personnel or camera and taking a big gulp of air before being harmed.

When unobserved, RPC-145 has the ability to teleport freely within a confined area. Measured speeds indicate RPC-145 can go up to ██ km/h. It likes to use this ability to startle personnel. When RPC-145 enters a room with one or more people inside, all of them will hear music consisting of a quick kazoo solo. This effect is purely memetic, as security cameras with audio capability will record no music coming from RPC-145.

Discovery: RPC-145 was noticed by the RPC Authority after numerous police reports were filed in █████████, Pennsylvania about a "deformed-looking man who frequently and nonchalantly self-mutilated himself in front of children". RPC-145 was lured to Site-██ under the guise that Site-██ was a television broadcast station. ██ personnel were fatally wounded in attempting to contain RPC-145 due to its then-unknown anomalous abilities. Successful containment occurred after enough experimentation was performed on RPC-145 for chemical weaknesses which could be used for containment procedures.

Addendum A: Further interviews with RPC-145 are to be canceled. All staff are to be explicitly reminded that RPC-145, despite its outward exterior as a goofy cartoon character, is extremely lethal in the wrong circumstances. Nobody in real life would've lasted five minutes in those old shows, anyway. -Dr. H███

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